Well we were the people that we wanted to know, & we are the places that we wanted to go

There is something gnawing at me, way down in the pit of my stomach. It’s burning, churning, and has been making me variably queasy.

I think it’s that inner voice we often try to silence and almost always doubt.
You know what I mean? You just don’t feel quite right, and that voice is trying to tell you to pay attention and make the right decisions to change things for the better.
Call it your conscience, your intuition, your instinct - whatever you will.

I am finding as time goes by, it is getting harder and harder to ignore that voice.

I have thought about it a lot these past few days, and have really questioned myself about a lot of things.
I’ve gotten a little down on myself and even questioned myself about things I know to be true.

My conclusion is that I am indeed an all around good person.
One who is generous and thoughtful, one who is empathetic and caring, one who is unique and has something to offer in this life.
So after coming to this conclusion, I began to wonder why/what is causing me to doubt these things.

Why do I feel sub-standard in life and love?
Why do I feel the need to apologize for things I have no reason to apologize for?
Why do I feel like the happiness of others depends on me sometimes?
Why do I feel like my thoughts and efforts are not good enough?
Why do I feel its okay to treat everyone else well, but not expect the same treatment in return?
Why do I feel under-appreciated?

Why. Why?

I know why - because I allow myself to be treated sub-standard at times, and I do not speak my mind for fear of causing an over reaction or commotion.
But guess what? The commotion doesn’t disappear by not saying no and standing one’s ground. It gets internalized. And it sits and it grows in the pit of your stomach until the burning and the churning start.
And there it is - your inner voice telling you to wake up and take a look around.
You can try to ignore it, but it will eventually just get louder and louder, and you will have no choice but to have a listen sooner or later.

What I think is important about these moments, however uncomfortable they may seem at the time, is that you learn to understand what is best for you.
Just YOU.
It’s totally unique - nobody else will have exactly the same experience.
There is knowledge to be acquired, and most importantly, there is truth. YOUR truth.

Next step is to take stock of your life with a clearer view of the reality of things, and decide what you can change to make your patch of grass a little greener.
Cuz face it kids - this life slips by a little faster each day. There’s no need to accept anything less than what you deserve from anything or anybody.

So you make some hard decisions or you don’t. Totally your choice.

If I can offer any words of advice though, don’t let fear prevent you from making the right choices. I’ve been down that particular road a few times, and it inevitably leads to a dead end.
It can also lead to lengthy stay at Hotel Regret. And they don’t have a pool.

To make this very long story short, I’m saying that there comes a time in all of our lives that we have to buck the eff up and take responsibility for our own happiness. Do what we can to enhance the good in our lives, sacrifice when it’s worth it, and move along when it’s not.

When something isn’t working for you and your inner voice is screaming itself hoarse, only you have the option to make the changes that are best for you.
I know it sounds a lot easier than it is, but I think you owe it to yourself to stand up and protect your worth.
Because you ARE worthy of the best, if you allow yourself to be. And I think it’s important to tell yourself that every now and again.