Seasoning Salt

Ta Ta For Now

2008-01-24T11:17:00.000-08:00

Obvs, I have had little to no time to update the blog in the last few months and it doesn't look like I'll have much free time to write in the forseeable future.

So apologies bb's, but I am officially on Blog Hiatus.

Thanks for reading.

xoxo

It's Beginning to Look a lot Like Christmas

2007-12-05T18:45:00.000-08:00

Behold - my 2007 Christmas tree...

With flash...

Without Flash, all lit up:

Woot! I think I like how it turned out!

Here's to the quest for renewed holiday spirit...

Holiday Blues?

2007-12-04T09:13:00.000-08:00

I just can’t seem to find any spirit so far this holiday season.

Normally I look forward to Christmas and all the things that lead up to it, but I’m just not feeling it this year.

I am not in the least bit excited about Christmas shopping which is usually loads of fun for me. I can’t even come up with gift ideas for people in the first place, which is something I am always pretty good at.

I dunno.

My birthday is on Friday too, and I honestly don’t want to do anything for it.
Like literally, nothing at all.
I just don’t feel like there’s anything to celebrate this year. And nothing’s really wrong per se, besides some ongoing health issues, so there’s no real reason for feeling like this.
But I do, so there it is.

Maybe it’s just a mild case of the winter blues.

Maybe I’m coming upon some life changes or something.

Maybe I’m working too much and it’s finally taking it’s toll.

Maybe I’m turning into the Grinch?

I hate to Blow My Own Horn, but...

2007-11-11T14:17:00.000-08:00

Check out my quit stats as of today:

101 days, 7 hours, 51 minutes and 19 seconds smoke free.
1621 cigarettes not smoked.
$798.30 and 12 days, 9 hours of your life saved.
Your quit date: 8/2/2007 7:30:00 AM

Wooooot bitchez.

Happy Halloween!

2007-10-31T06:42:00.001-07:00

Happy Halloween everyone!

Sandy and I celebrated on Saturday night by going to a costume party dressed as Dog and Beth from Dog the Bounty Hunter. It was fun - we totally got to white trash/skank ourselves up:

I somehow got nominated to do a strip tease at the party later in the night - lol - it wasn't pretty, lemme tell ya!

Wee!

There were so many other great costumes there too. One woman dressed up as Mrs Roper form Three's Company! I was like DAAAAAAYUUUUUMMM lady your costume OWNS this bitch!

We came in third place for best costume, so we were pretty pleased with that. We also came in first place in music trivia, so I was glad to see that all my years of absorbing pop culture nonsense and endless hours of music finally paid off somewhere!

Hope you all had a great time at your respective parties this weekend!

Happy Halloween!

Oh I SEE

2007-10-18T08:07:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow morning, I have to get up, get ready, and boot it down to the Westin hotel for a seminar.
The subject? My eyes.
Seriously.

I went to the eye doctor back in the beginning of September because my vision was becoming quite blurry, so I suspected that I just needed an update on my prescription.
I get in, get my exam, and yes my Rx had changed, so I get new glasses - pretty routine.

A couple weeks go by with my new prescription, and I am noticing that things are still quite blurry and fuzzy. I was having a really hard time seeing anything in lighted areas.
So I called my doc back and they tell me to come back in to see if they gave me the wrong lenses. Still pretty routine.
The lenses turned out to be correct, so my doctor asked me to do another eye exam. I do, and sure enough, my prescription is totally different from the previous one. He doesn’t know how this happened, but figured that the new prescription results would solve the problem. So I turn my frames in, and the put in new lenses with the new Rx.
I could tell right off the bat after trying the new glasses that nothing had changed in terms of my vision distortion, but the doc said to give it a couple of days and see if my eyes adjust.
Well they didn’t. In fact they got worse.
So back I go after the weekend and he does another eye exam. This time my prescription had changed from 20/40 to 28/64 in a matter of 3 days.
The doc was stumped and getting frustrated.

They proceeded to give me every vision test and light sensitivity test they had in the lab, and everything looked normal. No one could figure what was going on.
Then my doc consulted with another specialist in the office and had him look at me. He couldn’t see anything wrong either. They both consulted with another specialist and had her come in and take a good look at my eyes and she was able to figure it out. She said “A-HAA! It’s cataracts, and it’s quite severe.”
Excuse me, WHAT???
Apparently the other doctors hadn’t noticed this because they weren’t looking/testing me for it. That’s because the average age to begin screening is about 60 for crying out loud.
I’m 30 people. WTF.

As I am sitting there freaking out, the docs are all taking a look for themselves and going “ohhhh yeeeaaaaahhhh” and discussing it amongst themselves. I was like HELLO - WHAT WHY HOW BITCHEZ.

None of them know why and all they can think to ask me is if I have been doing steroids.
Let me check - ummmm no.
They are all perplexed as to the cause, but tell me I have to get in for surgery ASAP to fix it or I may lose vision in my right eye almost completely. They really are concerned at the pace in which my vision is deteriorating.

So I have an appointment with an eye surgeon next Friday, and I assume the appt. for surgery will be booked then. I was told they want to get me in before Christmas, which doesn't seem like a rush to me, but I guess the normal waithing period is up to 6 months.

Anyways. Back to this seminar.

I guess there is an eye disease conference being held by the Alberta Ophthalmology Institute going on at the Westin tomorrow, and I was selected as a candidate for guinea pig duty due to the rarity of the disease in my age group.
So I have to go down there at 9am tomorrow, get my pupils dilated, get up on stage in front of about 200 people, and have my eyes hooked up to a microscope and blown up on a giant screen for all to see and discuss.
Should be interesting.

The good news is I get $100 for participating, so rawk.
The bad news is I have stage fright and am nervous as all hell about getting up there in front of so many people.
It’s only for an hour or so, so that’s not too bad I guess.
I just hope I don’t have to speak or answer any questions…

Color Your World

2007-10-10T14:26:00.000-07:00

Here are a few autumn-esque pics I snapped last weekend up near Elbow Falls.
It was a really nice day, so Sandy and I decided to get outta town for a bit and head up to nature for a look at the fall canvas:

Snow!

A bit of composition:

Elbow Falls:

T'was a nice little pre-Thanksgiving get away.

The Hazards of Grape Stomping

2007-10-01T18:13:00.000-07:00

This really prolly shouldn't be funny, but I dare you not to lol after watching this lady wipe out hard core on live television:

Doctor Doctor, Give Me The News

2007-09-27T14:36:00.000-07:00

Seems like it’s been ages since I posted anything - this is becoming a habit without me really realizing it.
I mean to write on the regular, but life happens, and time is becoming more elusive every day lately.

Ah well, you do what you can I suppose.

The main topic in my life these days is ILLNESS.
I have been quite sick with what I thought was a cold for almost 8 weeks now.
8 weeks people. That’s 2 effen months!

After trying pretty much every herbal remedy under the sun with no improvement, I finally gave in and went to a “doctor”.
This did not make me happy in the least because I think western medicine is a complete farce for the most part, and I am against synthetic antibiotics because they do a number on your body.

ANYWAYS.

I go to this doctor by my house, he listens to my chest, and says my lungs sound “crappy”.
I asked him if that was an official medical term.
He then tells me I have a lung and sinus infection, writes me a prescription and sends me on my way.
The whole visit was less than 5 minutes - yet another reason I am leery of taking anything these guys prescribe.
How can they possibly diagnose someone they have no medical history on, have no blood work to verify their “diagnosis”, and have only a handful of minutes spent briefly checking over a patient??

I go fill my prescription, and start taking them for the prescribed 10 day duration.
The side effects were nasty from the start - terrible taste in my mouth, stomach pain, impaired taste, and trouble sleeping.
I would have got over these minor inconveniences if the medicine had started actually working at some point, but it did not.

Then on day 7, I break out in a rash that looks like measles all over my upper body and neck while I’m at work, and am told when I go back to the doc that day that it’s an allergic reaction to the medicine.
I am told to stop taking the medicine, and start taking Benadryl and cortisone to get rid of the rash.
Now not only am I still sick with a sinus and lung infection, I am fighting a horrible allergic reaction that makes me look like I have a skin disease for crying in the sink.

I HEART WESTERN MEDICINE.

Anywaaaaaaaays.
Go back to the doctor after the rash subsides, tell him it’s been 7 weeks of hell and I am not getting any better PLEASE HELP ME BEFORE I GO INSANE, he listens to my lungs again and says I have “something” in my right lung.
Thanks Einstein. I guess that solves that then.

He gives me a steroid inhaler for the time being, tells me he thinks I now have pneumonia, and sends me for a chest x-ray through this lab company they deal with.

I take Monday off work, go get the x-ray done which is literally a few blocks from the doctors office, and find out it takes 3 days to get them back to the doctor.
!!!
If I have pneumonia, I think it’s a little on the urgent side of things that I get properly diagnosed ASAP. But that’s just my logic.

So I call my doctors office yesterday to see if they have received anything from the lab yet, and the admin lady tells me no, and that they’ll call if the find anything wrong. If I don’t hear anything back, assume its good news.

WTF.

There is obviously something wrong with my lungs.
I haven’t been able to breathe properly for 8 weeks and have had a terrible cough that just doesn’t stop for anything.
If they don’t see pneumonia on the x-ray, assume it’s good news??
Not good enough.

I have a feeling I will have to pester them to get any results back, let alone a proper diagnosis and treatment.
Can’t wait to find out how many more weeks I will have to deal with this.

It’s getting really frustrating and I just want to start feeling better.

Ignorance vs Apathy

2007-09-12T09:32:00.000-07:00

I have been noticing that I have lost interest in discussing my points of view with people.
It’s kind of strange, because I used to offer my thoughts whenever I saw an opening.
Now, I just couldn’t be bothered.

Why?

It’s not that I don’t have views and opinions on things - quite the opposite. Lately I’ve broadened my view and looked into quite a lot of things I wasn’t exposed to before.
I just have no desire to broadcast my thoughts to people when I hear them offering their opinions on something.

In my mind, it just seems like it would be wasted effort and I just don’t want to take the time to explain my thoughts or direct anyone to information that offers different points of view.
Seems like it’s just a waste of time all of a sudden, and I really couldn’t be bothered.

Example: I heard a lady I know fairly well yesterday refer to the Muslim religion as totally ridiculous and the reason for 9/11 and all that has transpired in the world since.

Ignorance at it’s finest.

I just sat there and quietly boiled while I listened to this drivel come out of her mouth.
As my brain went into overdrive trying to process what I just heard and how to articulate an opposing point of view in the calmest way possible, something in me just said DON’T BOTHER -
IT'S NOT WORTH IT.

I don’t know if this is a good thing or not.
On the one hand, I am really starting to embrace the live and let live creed, but on the other hand, ignorance and bias can’t be lessened if people don’t offer different ideas about things.
That’s supposed to be the point of human communication - the sharing of thoughts and ideas, right?

I dunno.

I spend a lot of time reading and researching things because I am a generally curious person by nature, and I also like to be somewhat aware of all views on a topic before I form an opinion.
Because of this, I’ve always been pretty willing to engage in a convo about various points of view on a topic. I respected what others said and got respect in return for the most part.

Lately though, I find that the respect I normally have for other people has been wearing thin when I hear an ignorant or one sided remark
And instead of offering someone another point of view or telling them about books or research info on the net to broaden their opinions, I say nothing.

I just feel a sinking inside and think to myself that the world really is an effed up place.
And I’m not usually one for apathy, but there it is.

Hope I’m not just getting bitter with age…

Ending/Start

2007-08-31T10:30:00.000-07:00

Well, well. It’s the last official long weekend of summer 2007.
Where did it all go?

I’m kind of looking forward to fall, cuz it’s a beautiful time of year and usually a time of deep reflection for me.

This summer was fun all in all.
I got all the partying out of my system in July, which obvs I had a great time doing.
Got to hang out with my friends lots and get outdoors with Sandy often, so I can’t complain in the least.

When August started, I began a month long cleanse that I am happy to say is due to be over on September 3rd. This means that I have had to behave myself quite a bit this month - no drinking, no smoking, no junk food, very little meat, an all organic diet, and tons of herbal concoctions that all pretty much resemble what I imagine boiled sweat socks must taste like. YUMMAAAY.

I feel great though, and plan to stick to a mainly alkaline based diet from hereon.
The benefits can’t be beaten, for realz.

My main reason for doing this is that I’ve researched body PH a fair bit, and have discovered that disease has a really hard time developing in an alkaline body. Whereas a mainly acid based diet/body is the first catalyst for most diseases - from cancer to diabetes.

Unfortunately, most of the food we all grow up eating and loving is acid based, hence the reason disease is so rampant in our society.
All the yummy things like grains, breads, pastas, sugary beverages, coffees, colas, meats, and dairy all metabolize to create an acid PH in our systems, which is ideal for disease to form and thrive.
It's truly scary because in reality, these foods are what 90% of us eat on a daily basis without knowing any better.

The alkaline diet is based on a 75/25 ratio of alkaline to acid based foods.
This basically means leafy greens and specific nuts and legumes 75% of the time.
A tough switch to make, but a necessary one in my opinion.
It’s just going to take a bit of time to get used to the change.
I’ll save a ton of money on takeout too - there’s virtually nothing you can get at a fast food/take away place or restaurant that isn’t more than 25% acid.
How crazy is that? No wonder so many people suffer from health problems.

Anyways, I got a bit off topic here.

Right.
It’s the last weekend of summer folks! Hope you all make it a memorable one!

Life Handed Us a Pay Check, We Said "We Worked Harder Than THIS!"

2007-08-27T15:40:00.000-07:00

So it’s yearly evaluation time at work - egads.

I truly dislike the personal evaluation portion of this assignment, because I always found it quite daunting to sit there and try and hype/sell yourself to the people that hired you based on a position they created in the first place.

The trick, I have decided, is to accentuate your responsibilities and accomplishments just enough so you don’t sound too arrogant on the one hand or completely fed up and disgruntled on the other.

It’s a fine line friends.

Over the years, I’ve mastered the overuse of adjectives and subtle self praise to accomplish just this.
And so far it has worked.

This year however, my company has decided to impose a new procedure.
Basically, you get sent an email from your boss asking you to reference the names of all the people you’ve worked with over the past year so they can contact them and give their opinion of your “work”.
Which really translates into their personal opinion of you. A popularity contest of sorts.

I think this is kind of effed.

There are many people we have to work with day in and day out that may or may not like us personally.
Do you think that the average Joe office worker that doesn’t like you personally for whatever reason will distinguish between their feelings about you as a person and the quality of your work? My guess is prolly not.
What a chance this is for them to get their kicks in, right? They get to contribute to the decision about your raise!

Not liking this idea much at all.

Also, we must now fill out our “responsibilities”.

Wait. What?

Are the people evaluating us - in this case, the department heads - not supposed to tell us what our job responsibilities are?
Are they not the department heads in the first place because they’ve mastered every facet of the job we now perform?
Makes no sense.

I was mulling this over as I stared blankly at my portion of the performance evaluation form, and suddenly realized what’s really going on here.

I’ve theorized that the reason we are asked to fill out our responsibilities is because the people in charge - the people that are supposed to mentor and lead us in our job development - HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WE DO EVERY DAY.

So, they disguise this fact in a tricky little self-evaluation form that we must fill out ourselves.
They then read over our responsibilities as we’ve listed before the face to face evaluation, call us in for the official chat, and regurgitate what we ourselves wrote in mang-lish (manager speak) so it sounds to us like they really do know the complete ins and outs of our efforts every day.

How clever!

Seriously.

Ahem. Hmm.
Anyways, back to filling out my self-evaluation…

ZIP IT

2007-08-13T08:24:00.000-07:00

Doesn’t it seem weird that people, complete strangers even, feel the need to fill silences with meaningless chit chat?
Drives me nuts.

I don’t really see the need to talk to people that I don’t know about the weather or the stock market or the state of politics in the western hemisphere just because we are sharing an elevator.

I DON’T KNOW YOU, YES THE WEATHER IS NICE, YES, UNSEASONABLY WARM, YES I HEARD IT MIGHT RAIN, YES I HEARD THE TSX WAS DOWN YESTERDAY, NOW PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE AND SHUT YER YAPPER.

Seriously.

Not trying to be rude, but I just don’t see the point of yapping uncontrollably to a stranger or co-worker about things that don’t mean eff all.
Even the obligatory “how was your weekend” question by the water cooler on Monday mornings makes me cringe. Because more often than not, the person asking doesn’t care in the least. And quite frankly, I don’t care how your weekend was either Mr….? what’s your name again anyways?
Hence the reason you’ll never hear me ask you that question, unless we have an established relationship of some kind.

This probably sounds neurotic - which it may very well be, but it is sincerely one of my biggest pet peeves.
What’s so wrong with silence and/or minding ones own business?

Will the apocolypse be upon us if we don't fill every quiet moment around other people with asinine yammering?

If you have something interesting or meaningful to say, give er.

I’ll chat up a storm with you any day of the week.

But please don’t try and engage me in gratuitous chatter about how nice a day it is when all I am trying to do is get from A to B on the elevator.

If you’re doing it to ease some sort of perceived tension or awkwardness, news flash - yakking nervously about gawd knows what only makes that worse.

This has been a public service announcement proudly brought to you by CC.

WOOOOOOOOO Part 2

2007-08-01T17:30:00.000-07:00

The videos...

My, my, my.

Words fail...except of course WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

WOOOOOOOOOO! Part 1

2007-07-30T11:31:00.000-07:00

This weekend was a blast from start to finish - I can't remember the last time I had so much fun!
First off, we flew miss Malina in from planet fabulous to celebrate her 30th birthday, which turned out to be a ton of fun.

Once she got to my place, we screamed our hellooos and got down to the bizznazz of opening her gift(s). I think I was more excited than she was for her to open it cuz it was driving me crazy all week!

I got her a new camera and accessories, and she LOVED it:

After gift opening, we opened a bottle of champagne and caught up for a bit, then headed out for a sushi lunch - where we continued the party with lots of laughs and plenty of sake.

After lunch, we shopped around china town for a bit and then headed back home, where we proceeded to suck helium out of a birthday balloon and video tape ourselves talking like munchkins. Yes, we are fully mature.

For Mizzo's birthday dinner, we went to a beautiful little french restaurant called Rouge in Inglewood. All I can say about the food and wine is OH. MY GAWD.

Pate, apricots, and bitter chocolate sauce:

Scallop Etouffe and vegetable "jewels" in cajun sauce:

Roast duck with lavendar rissotto:

The most amazing creme brulee in the universe for dessert:

It's a really nice restaurant - I'd recommend it any day of the week.
It's an old victorian style house that they've turned into a restaurant, and the patio, where we sat, is set in a humungous backyard with a garden that you can walk around after your meal. We didn't do that cuz we were laughing too much and didn't want to make spectacles of ourselves, but it looks like a nice after dinner stroll nonetheless.

Some pics from zee dinner:

Saturday we went to the zoo for the afternoon before heading out to Skybar's annual summer bash in the evening. Here are a few pics from the zoo visit:

Saturday night, we headed over to Skybar's party. I brought Malina along as a surprise guest - none of the gang had seen her in almost 5 years!

5 years apart only took 5 minutes to be right back in the groove - it's so weird how it seems like you've only seen/talked to someone just yesterday after a long time away.

The party was a blast as per usual at chateau Skybar...I can't remember the last time I laughed so much! It was a riot.

I've got more pics and videos to upload later from the all the debauchery - many of them featuring group dancing in the living room where all you can hear repeatedly on the audio is WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! And cameos of Jeff's hot ass in a sick pair of come eff me jeans.

Woot! What a weekend!

More to come later...

Hot Time, Summer In The City

2007-07-23T13:44:00.000-07:00

I realize I haven’t written in well over a month, so I figured I’d post an I’M STILL BREATHING post in case anyone was wondering.

I’ve been having lots of fun so far this summer…been camping, hiking, stampeding, concert going, catching up with old friends, etc.
So I suppose there’s been lots to write about, but I just haven’t felt inspired to blog about anything.
Seems the days are zooming by, and before you know it, you haven’t written anything in a month!

The major news story of the last 2+ weeks is the effen weather.
It’s HOT. YE GODS IT'S HOT.
Haven’t seen significant rain in like 3 weeks and every day is 30 degrees or higher. Add humidity and you are sweltering.

My apartment has been so hot I’ve had to sleep at Sandy’s for the better part of a week now just so I can get some sleep.
This is highly unusual for Calgary. Christ – today is supposed to reach 36 degrees with the humidex for crying in the sink! Feels like yer hanging out in a pre-heated oven, for realz.
Hope it cools down soon, it’s just really uncomfortable out there. I think there’s really something to this global warming thing after all.

ANYWAAAYS.
I’m sure I’ll be posting early next week at the latest as this weekend is going to be a humdinger for excitement.

Till then, keep cool.

Rocky Mountain High

2007-06-24T08:38:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Sandy and I went on a hike around the upper Kananaskis Lake with our friends Adriana and John:

After an hour or so on a relatively easy foot path, we came across Mt. Indefatigable and the climb became quite steep and rocky, but what amazing views up there:

This boulder field is called The Palliser Slide. It's the remnants of two very large landslides from the mountain years ago:

I thought the terrain was very Lord of the Rings-esque:

About 3km into the hike, there is a beautiful waterfall called the lower Kananaskis falls where we stopped to enjoy the roar of the water and have a very well deserved bite to eat:

Beautiful, yes?

Look at the colors in the water from the minerals...

It's GO-GEOUS up there!

The hike took us about 4 hours or so, and with a lot of the terrain being quite steep and covered in boulders, we were all exhausted when we finally returned to the vehicles to head home. But it was a very good kind of tired.

It was a really great trip and we're hoping to do a few more this summer while it's nice out.

You just can't beat the views, the air, and the feeling up there...It's totally amazing.

I think next time I'll be sure to get some rigorous excercise in before heading out to the top of the world - I have muscles screaming at me today that I didn't even know existed!

Ode to the Shawarma

2007-05-30T08:52:00.000-07:00

I'm SO craving Shawarma this morning, you have no idea.

There's this place called Mazaj on 7th Avenue downtown that has the best chicken shawarma EVAAAAR and I am going at lunch come hell or highwater.

In my efforts to try and convince a co-worker who's buried in work to join me, I wrote a little poem to try and wet her appetite. Complete with a picture for effect.
The email's subject was URGENT, and I sent it high priority of course:
--------------------------------------------------
From: Debbie L****
Sent: Wednesday, May 30, 2007 9:50 AM
To: ****** ******** ***
Subject: URGENT
Importance: High

Shawarma Shawarma
You’re so yum
Yummier even than Deanna’s gum

Shawarma Shawarma
You’re delish
You're my favorite take out dish

Shawarma Shawarma
You’re so neat
I love the taste of your garlic meat

Shawarma Shawarma
Get in my mouth
I'll chew you good so you can’t get out

Shawarma Shawarma
You’re grilled so well
The peppers inside you are hot as hell

Shawarma Shawarma
I love your garlic sauce
Anyone who doesn’t, I guess it’s their loss

Shawarma Shawarma
I love u so hard
I like to pay for you with my debit card

Shawarma Shawarma
From the Middle East
I'm totally amped for my afternoon feast

Shawarma Shawarma
I am so hungraay
Can’t wait to eat you cuz you so yumaay

~Fin~

She's still laughing. And she's decided to come now.

Saweeeet.

This guy is AWESOME

2007-05-27T08:44:00.000-07:00

Sickest Thing I've Ever Heard

2007-05-25T09:41:00.000-07:00

I came across news coverage on the story below last night on television, and I can honestly tell you, it was by far one of the most disturbing things I've ever heard:

Detective details attacks on microwaved baby
By Scott E. WilliamsThe Daily News
Published May 23, 2007

GALVESTON — A police detective Tuesday morning described a series of attacks on an infant that led to the child being placed in a microwave oven and burned.

Detective Holly Johnson testified in a bond-reduction hearing for Joshua Mauldin, 19, that Mauldin detailed for her everything leading up to the child being put in the oven.

Mauldin and his 2-month-old daughter were alone in a Seawall Boulevard hotel room shortly before 2 a.m. May 10.

“(Mauldin) became agitated,” Johnson said from the witness box in the 212th State District Court in Galveston.
“He picked her up from one bed and threw her onto another one.

He then hit her — punched her in the groin area.

“He placed her in the hotel-room safe and shut the door for approximately five seconds. He then took her and put her in the refrigerator and shut the door for about five seconds.”

After that, Johnson said, Mauldin took the girl out, put her in the microwave oven and turned it on.

Johnson testified that Mauldin had first admitted putting the child in the microwave to Child Protective Service workers May 14. Before that, his tale varied.

When asking the hotel clerks to place the 911 call that operators received at 1:48 a.m. May 10, Mauldin had told the clerks the child had suffered a severe sunburn.

His first account to police was that he did not know how the child was burned but, hours later, he told detective Cody Cazales that he accidentally spilled scalding water onto the child while making coffee.

Johnson testified that Mauldin described the entire course of events in an interview with her May 14.

Johnson’s testimony dominated a court hearing Tuesday morning on defense attorney Charles Kaufmann’s motion to reduce Mauldin’s bond.

During Mauldin’s initial appearance last week, 405th State District Court Judge Wayne Mallia had set his bond at $250,000. Kaufmann had asked Judge Susan Criss to reduce that amount to $100,000.

However, prosecutor Xochitl Vandiver argued that Mauldin was an Arkansas resident with “absolutely no ties whatsoever” to Galveston County, making him a flight risk.

“They just showed up here and, two hours later, this child is in the hospital,” Vandiver told the judge.

On his MySpace.com Web page, which has since been removed from public view, Mauldin said he was bringing his family to Galveston to accept a call to ministry.

Kaufmann said Mauldin’s wife had rented an apartment in Galveston, but Vandiver said the Mauldins already had been evicted.

In another motion, Kaufmann asked the court to appoint a psychiatrist to evaluate Mauldin to determine whether he was competent to stand trial.

In Tuesday’s hearing, Criss asked Kaufmann what assurances she could have that Mauldin would know when to show up for court after bonding out if his competence were an issue.

Kaufmann responded that leaving him in jail until after the evaluation would likely be the best course.

Criss rejected the bond reduction and appointed Dr. Victor Scarano to examine Mauldin.

Scarano is a forensic psychiatrist who has testified for prosecutors and defense attorneys in a career that has spanned decades.

Mauldin faces a charge of injury to a child causing serious bodily harm, which carries a possible prison term of five to 99 years, as well as a fine of up to $10,000.
Copyright © 2007 The Galveston County Daily News

Gah!!
What. In. The. Fuck. How could someone EVER do anything so horrific? Turns my stomach.

This poor child - she was released from hospital into foster care this Tuesday, after recieving 3rd degree burns to her head, face, and left hand.
According to doctors reports, she lost part of her left ear and her hand was so burned that it was split open when EMT arrived at the hotel.
Her hair is burned off, and she has a large blister on her face. They have performed 2 skin grafts on her since she was admittted to hospital.

The bitch ass mother wants to get custody back of her child so that they can "all be a family again". You guessed it, this includes the father of the child. She sees no wrong in what he did and is blaming it on the effing devil.

Grrrrrrrrrrrr. Heaven help this child if she is placed back in the custody of anybody in the mother's family.

I hope the father gets the highest sentence possible and then gets what's coming to him in prison. I'm sure that there would be a few inmates more than willing to even the score in prison with someone who committed such a crime.
I also hope the mother is convicted as an accessory.

What in the hell is WRONG with people these days?? This is just unfathomable.

Sleighbells Ring, Are You Listening?

2007-05-24T07:21:00.000-07:00

BLECH. Look what we woke up to in Calgary this morning folks:

There are trees and powerlines down all over the freakin city.

Um, hello? Is it not technically SUMMER now? Where's global warming when you really need it?

Jaaayzus.

I'm Back Bitchez Part 2

2007-05-22T15:19:00.000-07:00

There's a place in Victoria's inner harbour called Fisherman's wharf, where seafood is sold freshly caught from individual vendors. We tried a meal of fish n'chips (halibut) which was delish, and I of course could not leave without procuring some crab. Sweet christ, I love crab. Here's $70 dollars worth of freshly caught steamed dungenous:

Drooool. A nice lady at Barb's fish store on the water was good enough to steam these up for us first thing in the morning and wrap them in brown paper for transport back to the hotel. A few lemons and a half pound of butter later that night and we horked until we could not eat another bite. It was soooo good. Totally fresh.

She was also nice enough to throw on some honkus steamed prawns from the morning catch for us too:

Not the most attractive creatures I've seen, but hot dayum they were yumaaay.

There are a couple of very plump seals who have taken up residence at the wharf, and by the looks of it, they are very well fed. Check out chubs:

What a face!

For 5 dollars, you can purchse a bowl of smelt fish to hand feed him and his friends. By the look of it, this happens quite often. We fed them a couple of times while hanging out down there - it was pretty neat. You have to watch for large and in charge seagulls though - they swoop right in and steal the fish from your hand. I had one land right on my shoulder flapping it's humungoid wings in my face and then stelaing the fish in my hand in a flash. I screamed. Those things remind me of flying rodents - blech.

During another day excursion, we headed to a place called Butterfly Gardens. We didn't really know what to expect of the place, but it turned out to be really cool. It was like an indoor rainfroest with hundreds of different kinds of butterflies flying about freely. The guide told us that if one lands on you, it's supposed to be good luck. Lucky for us, one landed on each of us.

On Sandy's arm:

In my hair:

Pics of some of the other butterflies inside:

Look at this one! Apparently these ones stay in a cocoon for up to 5 years, and die 3-5 days after emerging. Isn't that strange? Like why.
It hatched the morning of our visit and was drying his wings in the sun. He was about the size of a large bird, pretty incredible:

Here are some shots of the rainforest vibeage inside:

The Royal BC Museum had a Titanic exhibit going on during our visit too! I'm pretty much a freak for all things Titanic, so this was definitley up my alley.

Now this was really something to see. They had over 220 recovered artifacts from the wreck on display, including unopened wine bottles, White Star Line china, people's luggage, wallets, letters, grooming items, eye glasses, medicine bottles, money, lumps of coal, tools from the boiler room, etc. They also had one of the bronze cherubs from the famous skylight/clock area in First class on display. So cool.

They even had a REAL iceberg on display, positioned in front of a black starlight wall. You can touch it and everything!

The museum staff were dressed in replica lifejackets from the ship and they also had a Captain Smith impersonator dressed in full uniform talking to the visitors. He handed out replica Titanic boarding passes to everyone that told you which passenger you were from the original passenger list, which class you were in, how old you were, who you were married to, etc. At the end of the exhibit, there is a wall of memorial listing the fate of each passenger on the ship which you check to see whether you lived or died. I survived, but my husband did not. Sandy's character did not survive.

There were no cameras allowed inside to preserve the items from too much light exposure, so unfortuantley all I could get were the pics from outside the exhibit. Too bad. It was totally effen cool.

Jeff, if you're interested, this exhibit is running until the middle of October 2007.
Definitely something worth checking out if you're into it - you'd really love it. There is also an IMAX film you see before entering the exhibit - it wasn't as cool as that 3-D one we saw a few years back, but it's pretty sweet nonetheless.

And finally, some random shots taken while out and about:

I'm Back Bitchez Part 1

2007-05-21T11:52:00.000-07:00

Howdy strangers!
I'm back from Victoria where the weather was GO-GEOUS all week - what's with this snow shit in Calgary today?? Isn't it supoposed to be semi-summer by now?

Anyays, I have tons of pics to post from the trip, best get to it.

Me and Sandillion:

The view from our hotel room at sunset:

Inner Victoria harbour, mid-day (quite a busy place):

Disgustingly large cruise ships that pulled in to port. The pics do not do the enormity of these vessels justice, I swear. They are like floating cities! Couldn't believe the effen size of these things, for reals:

Size ratio, me and Sandy vs. one of the cruise ships:

Quite a testament to the human obsession with excess, yes?

We jumped on a touring boat and went whale watching on the third day of our stay! That was the highlight of the trip for me I think. I'd never been out on the open ocean before, and I'd certainly never seen whales up close before.

On the boat, heading out to the deep:

It was mighty chilly doing 55 kph on the open sea.

About an hour out, we came upon a pod of whales:

How totally sweet is that right? Incredible creatures to see up close.

Later that day, Sandy and I decided to go exploring on the beach. Look, I got crabs. LULZ.

A seal stopped by to say hello to us:

And then out of nowhere, a huge bald eagle swooped down and landed on a rock not 20 feet away from us. Sandy was actually able to walk about 10 feet away from it and snap these pics:

Check out the talons as he flew away - beautiful.

We also went to the Undersea Gardens, which is an undersea museum of sorts, where you can look at life in the ocean just outside the windows (the pics are sorta blurry beacuse you can't really use a flash in there):

We went for a walk one afternoon along the boarwalk in the inner harbour, and came across a totally effen amazing free hand spray paint artist pianting pics by the ocean. He didn't use airbrush tools or nozzles or anything, just completeley free handed these awesome landscape pictures. It was something to see for sure. Sandy bought me one of his pieces, a futuristic pyramid/multiple black moon landscape which is in the frame shop as we speak. Woot!

Part 2 follow - these pic posts take bloody forever, and I do want to try and savour the last day of vacation a little bit!

A-OK

2007-05-08T21:07:00.000-07:00

Welp – it’s count down time.
2 more days of the grind and then I’ll be jumping on a flight to Victoria with Sandy for 7 days of chill-the-eff-out and pamper thyself indulgence.

It couldn’t come at a better time, as work has been rather hectic for the past few weeks, and this detox I’ve been on has taken some seriously concerted effort and lifestyle adjustment.
Straight out – I’m tired and it’s time to get away.

It’s gonna be awesome, I can feel it.

Hmm. What else?
Not much is coming to mind to post about lately, hence the lack of updates.

Spring has finally sprung in the big city, and it’s absolutely gorgeous outside. Such a welcome relief from the grey and seemingly never ending winter we had this year. It’s got me itching for summer fun, because I know this summer will be a blast.
I’m planning to take extra long weekends whenever possible to get out of the city and do some camping and travelling this year. It’s high time to start taking advantage of the time and opportunities I’ve got I while I got em, I reckon.
Cuz next thing you know, it’s five years later, and you barely remember blinking.

Why is that do you think? Is it because as we get older, we realize there is not as much life left to procrastinate about, or is it because we are more mature and require more worldly stimuli to keep us interested?
Maybe a bit of both.

At any rate, I think I’m coming to a great place in life where I am finally truly happy, and can now focus on the world around me instead of the world inside me.
It’s pretty neat the things you notice when you are content with yourself and your life, and can sit back and enjoy the view for a while.
I can’t remember a time in my life when that was possible before, and I’m really beginning to enjoy this new way of thinking and how satisfying it is.
After all the struggling, pain, frustration, etc. that I’ve been through for as long as I can remember, it all came down to adjusting my perspective.
It was all under my control the whole time; I just never realized it.

What a valuable lesson to learn.

There’s a simple mantra I read about and have been using internally for the past month or so – Have an Attitude of Gratitude. Plain and simple.
Seems to be working too.

Things are better than they have ever been, and for once, I’m not waiting for bad news to come or something bad to happen. Cuz I know that the moment I think that, that’s exactly what will happen.
Just gotta go with the floooooow…

Anyways, I suppose that’s enough rambling for now.
Christ, I sound like a motivational speaker or something.
Or one of "them". Gasp.

That MUST mean it’s time for a vacation. And wouldn’t you know it? There’s one right around the corner ;)

Life is good kids. Real good.
Just takes some practice to realize it sometimes.

Internal Spring Cleaning

2007-05-03T10:08:00.000-07:00

Long time, no post.

Things have been pretty good these past couple of weeks; I’ve been doing some internal house cleaning which has been long overdue.

I started a 30 day herbal detox/cleanse about 10 days ago, and with committing to that, I have had to make some big adjustments. I thought it would be super hard, but it’s actually going really well.

For this cleanse to work properly, your diet has to consist of mostly organic produce, whole grains, water, and omega 3&6 supplements. Red meat is pretty much forbidden, and consumption of white meat (fish, turkey, chicken) should only make up 20% of your daily intake of protein. The rest should come from raw nuts and seeds.

So as you can imagine, there is pretty much 0 eating out at lunch or going to a restaurant for dinner for the time being. Everything should be prepared fresh at home with little to no processed flavors or sauces.

Bland? A bit. But you can do amazing things for additional flavor with citrus fruits and emulsified fresh herbs.

I’ve also been drowning myself in chlorophyll spiked water and dandelion and marshmallow root teas. These all help support regeneration of liver cells, oxygenate your blood, and clean out your lymphatic system.

The other requirements include increased exercise and at least 7 hours of sleep a night. So far, I’ve been able to keep up with this too.

10 days in, and I feel like a whole new person, for serious. I feel clearer, rested, quick on my feet, better able to concentrate and articulate new thoughts, and have increased energy. It’s totally awesome!
I feel so good that I am seriously considering altering my diet for the long term to include mainly organic produce and whole grains.
It’s amazing what eating too much protein and processed food can do to your overall feeling of well being. Seems you don’t even notice it until you get away from it for a while.

The other major changes with this cleanse include no alcohol and no cigarettes.
Now I thought that would be my major struggle in keeping with the program, but so far, I feel great not having touched booze in the past 10 days or cigs in almost 9.
Having a drink at night has not crossed my mind more than once, and I am certainly not missing/craving it in the least.
The cigs? That has been a bit tougher, but I have not had one since the second morning of the cleanse. I’ve been a smoker for almost 15 years, so it’s been hard to finally quit, but I know this time is the final try.

Here are my stats as of this morning:

8 days, 17 hours, 29 minutes and 17 seconds smoke free.
131 cigarettes not smoked.
$62.10 and 1 day of your life saved.

(If any of you are looking for quitting information or would like your own quit meter, please visit Quitnet)

Pretty sweet hey? I’m excited this time because I know it’s for good.

Besides a few cravings, it’s been smooth sailing. I feel so much better too - I can take a deep breath and exercise without getting winded, I sleep better, and my skin tone has even brightened up.
WOOT!

Well, that’s pretty much what’s been going on with me these past couple of weeks.
Other than that, just looking forward to a week away in BC with Sandy beginning next weekend. I can’t wait for some time away from the daily routine and fresh spring surroundings. It’s gonna be sweeeet.

Hope everyone is well out there in blog land. It’s been quiet lately, yes?

Strange Things Are Afoot at the Circle-K

2007-04-20T10:51:00.000-07:00

So I think something’s up with my mail carrier.
For the last 6+ weeks, I have been missing mail on a regular basis, and that’s just WEIRD, cuz I’ve been at the same address for almost 2 years with no prior problem.

I’m starting to get concerned because I got verification from Revenue Canada yesterday that a refund and tax assessment were sent out by mail on March 8th, and I have not seen it.
I don’t really care about the check - you’d have to be a retard to try and cash someone else’s check in this day and age; especially a government issued one.
What concerns me more is that my personal information is all over that shit. I’m talking SIN, date of birth, address, income information - basically everything anyone would need to steal my identity. That’s scary.

I spoke with Revenue Canada yesterday, and they said that they now have to send me out a shwack of forms, and that I have to get someone to witness me filling in the info, sign it, and then I send it back in to them. Then they do their paperwork, and send out a new check.
So I asked the lady why don’t I just send in a direct deposit form and void check so that it doesn’t go missing again, and she said “once a paper check, always a paper check.”
Damn it. I know this is true from my own accounting background but eff. I don’t want my info falling into the wrong hands again.
Here’s hoping this package actually gets delivered..

The other things that have been going missing include credit card statements, utility and telephone bills.
Like they just don’t even show up at all for the month. And I check the return to sender mail pile all the time - my stuff is never in there.

So add all 3 of those things together, and if someone wanted to, they could literally become me.
That shit’s not funny.
I already had an issue with this in 2005 when someone stole my wallet. Luckily I am on a fraudulent activity alert for any account openings, credit card applications, etc for the next 5 years. Which is a bit of a relief, but I hate the feeling that someone has my personal information. It seriously worries me.

ANYWAYS.

I called the post office yesterday, which for general info/complaints, is a 1-800 number. So I call, and was polite enough to the wench on the other end. I told her that only some of my mail is getting through - sporadically at that, and I have verification of mail out dates from Enmax, Telus, Mastercard, etc.
It’s not showing up for some reason.
Right away she cuts me off and says “If you getting any mail, that means your service is in order. It’s not like we pick and choose people to steal their hydro bills from.”

PSSSSSSSHHHT.
Kay, I didn’t even remotely accuse the postal service of that, and what’s with yer snot rag tone. Chriiiist.

I told her I had a concern and wanted to get to the bottom of it. Whether it’s a new mail carrier unfamiliar with the route, whether my stuff is going to the wrong building, or whether there’s a pile of my mail sittng in the abyss at the post office, I want it looked into.
She takes my phone number and gives me a reference number, says a rep from my area will contact me and place a delivery monitor on my mail. Well good.
If the guy ever calls that is.

It’s totally plausible that my mail is being delivered to a building one street over with a similar address. My guess, as I said, is a new mail carrier.

But there have been a couple things that have kind of seemed weird in the last month.

I opened my mailbox one day to find my capital one statement. On the front of the envelope, where it says “What’s In Your Wallet?” (the logo), there was hand writing. It said “Fuck All”. (On a side note, I did think it was kinda funny).

Now it could have been the mail carrier, who in my scenario is totally disgruntled and hordes ppls shit in his/her basement and has 45 cats, or it could be a disgruntled worker at Capital One.
Whichever, it’s unnerving.
Then the next month, I don’t receive a statement at all. Strange. This only started happening 6 weeks ago. Before that, no problems.

I also got a mysterious call from some guy in Ontario last night saying he was calling from my bank to see if I was happy with my recent credit card acquisition through them. This seems normal enough, but I deal with the ATB Financial - an Alberta based bank. Like wtf.
He was totally stumbling on his words and said he just needed to “verify my account number”. I said no way man - you should have that info on your screen if you are in fact calling from the bank.
I called the number back and it was “not in service”.

Like fuck.

Now I’m all paranoid about where my stuff is and who’s doing what to it.

Probably nothing bad is going on, but I can’t help but feel like there is.
It just seems so odd.

Hurts So Good

2007-04-16T08:45:00.000-07:00

Well my weekend was pretty effen good. Pretty effen good indeed.

On Friday, I didn't have much in the way of weekend plans sorted out, when lo and behold, Miss Malina calls and says she's in town for the night.
WOOT!
Haven't seen her since 2004 - earliest.

We planned to meet up for some lolz and reminisce over our younger years, not really sure if we were going out or staying in.

We eventually decided to stay in, order sushi take-out, and drink some wine (2 bottles were gone by the time it was all said and done).

It was such a special occasion, that I even put my grandma suit on for Mizzo's pleasure - level of disgust aside at the fact that I actually own this outfit, she laughed right along with me.

Holy eff. Did we laugh. And laugh. And laugh.
My stomach still hurts from laughing so much on Friday/Saturday.

Les evidence:

This last one makes her look sorta see through becasue I couldn't get the damn camera to focus properly. Or maybe all the wine we consumed was making ME unable to focus. Who knows.

At one point, I recall asking her all serious like if she was a ghost, because all the shots I was trying to take of her turned out all blurry. Jaayzus.

Anyways, after we got the crazy out of our systems, it was 3:30ish in the morning, so we decided to hit the hay. Dude - we drank for like 9 consecutive hours. Oy.

Saturday morning was painful. For me anyways. Wine hangovers hurt more than most - why is that?

After getting up and showered, we went for a nice walk and lunch at the Met downtown, and before we knew it it was time to get her to the airport for her flight home. It was over so fast, I couldn't believe it.

The good news is we were able to connect again after all this time, and will visit eachother more often from here on.

The craziest part of the visit was that out of seemingly nowhere, Mizzo calls me up and says she's in town, I had no plans, and the night before, she watched The Secret DVD.

Like whoa.

She didn't even know I was reading it, and she wanted to bring it to my place to watch.

What are the odds of that?? It must be that law of attraction thing. Similar frequencies and all. Crazy.

The rest of the weekend was pretty chill. Watched the Flames LOSE game 2 for the love of gawd, went for a bike ride, and had a nice dinner with Sandy last night.

Was goooooooooood.

My ass hurts today because I am not yet used to my bike seat again, and I haven't ridden in a long while. It's all good though - it goes right along with the muscle pain in my stomach from laughing too much on Friday night. This is what they must call the good kinda pain.

Hope you kids had a good weekend too. Happy Monday.

The Secret

2007-04-13T09:45:00.000-07:00

Kay, so I picked up this book called The Secret by Rhonda Byrne (Beyond Words Publishing) last weekend, and it has been totally instrumental in helping me to see how my thoughts affect the outcome of my life.

The whole premise of the book is quite simply the secret to a happy life.
Which sounds pretty heavy and a little daunting at first - you think it will require you to do a lot of work on yourself and experience some kind of major upheaval to get where you want to be.
After all, if you have been relatively unhappy with your life, you know it took a lot of struggle, pain, and disappointment to get there.
Seems like it would logically be an uphill climb to get out of it.

The irony of it all though, is that it’s not!
It’s simple.
Who woulda thunk it.

The whole theory is based on the law of attraction, which is proven absolute.
It all comes down to how you think.
If you think things are bad and that you are never going to get what you want, that is exactly what you will get.
There is no other force at work besides your thought process.
No such thing as bad luck or the world conspiring against you - if you think that, the law of attraction states that you will experience those feelings continually.

The interesting thing about this is that it explains how powerful our thoughts as single beings really are.
Apparently, all our thoughts transmit a “frequency” of sorts out into the universe. And what we transmit, we receive right back. Like a radio or satellite signal.
The universe does not distinguish between what you want or don’t want, it just receives your thoughts whether good or bad, and sends it right on back to you.

So logically, all you must do is think of the things you want - say it out loud to the universe if you like - and it will come to you.

The only trick is that you really have to believe that you are going to get what you want. Almost to the point of faking yourself out to believe you already have it.
This comes down to dusting off the old faith button and giving it a good press.

The idea behind this is that when you fully believe you have something or are soon going to have it, your feelings follow suit.
You feel happy, fulfilled, and satisfied.
And those thought frequencies are broadcast out to the universe, the law of attraction kicks in, and you receive that which you want.

Pretty cool hey?

Now this complete change in thinking won’t happen overnight - after all, you’ve probably spent the majority of your life thinking another way completely, so it will take some time to adjust.
But the cool part is that you really catch yourself thinking negatively, and you are able to stop and turn it around right then in there.
Thought by thought, step by step.
Eventually in time, your whole thought process and view of life will be transformed for the better.

I know a lot of us are into instant gratification, and long term focus on changing your thinking may seem like a lot of work, but it’s not. It really comes down to one thought at a time.

A good analogy in the book related to headlights: “Think of a car driving through the night. The headlights only go a hundred or two hundred feet forward, and you can make it all the way from California to New York driving through the dark, because all you have to see is the next two hundred feet. And that’s how life tends to unfold before us. If we just trust that the next two hundred feet will unfold after that, your life will keep unfolding. And it will eventually get you to the destination of whatever it is you truly want, because you want it.”

This all seriously just makes so much sense.
We are not at the mercy of luck or some sort of god, or a set of circumstances laid out before we were born.
It comes down to us - we are in the driver’s seat from day one.

With that in mind, why not take the scenic route?
Stop and enjoy whenever you want, wherever you want, for as long as you want.

$40-a-day

2007-04-10T06:20:00.000-07:00

Ever see that Rachel Ray show $40 a Day? There was a spoof done on it on Mad TV this past weekend - pretty funny.

Well we were the people that we wanted to know, & we are the places that we wanted to go

2007-04-09T09:40:00.000-07:00

There is something gnawing at me, way down in the pit of my stomach. It’s burning, churning, and has been making me variably queasy.

I think it’s that inner voice we often try to silence and almost always doubt.
You know what I mean? You just don’t feel quite right, and that voice is trying to tell you to pay attention and make the right decisions to change things for the better.
Call it your conscience, your intuition, your instinct - whatever you will.

I am finding as time goes by, it is getting harder and harder to ignore that voice.

I have thought about it a lot these past few days, and have really questioned myself about a lot of things.
I’ve gotten a little down on myself and even questioned myself about things I know to be true.

My conclusion is that I am indeed an all around good person.
One who is generous and thoughtful, one who is empathetic and caring, one who is unique and has something to offer in this life.
So after coming to this conclusion, I began to wonder why/what is causing me to doubt these things.

Why do I feel sub-standard in life and love?
Why do I feel the need to apologize for things I have no reason to apologize for?
Why do I feel like the happiness of others depends on me sometimes?
Why do I feel like my thoughts and efforts are not good enough?
Why do I feel its okay to treat everyone else well, but not expect the same treatment in return?
Why do I feel under-appreciated?

Why. Why?

I know why - because I allow myself to be treated sub-standard at times, and I do not speak my mind for fear of causing an over reaction or commotion.
But guess what? The commotion doesn’t disappear by not saying no and standing one’s ground. It gets internalized. And it sits and it grows in the pit of your stomach until the burning and the churning start.
And there it is - your inner voice telling you to wake up and take a look around.
You can try to ignore it, but it will eventually just get louder and louder, and you will have no choice but to have a listen sooner or later.

What I think is important about these moments, however uncomfortable they may seem at the time, is that you learn to understand what is best for you.
Just YOU.
It’s totally unique - nobody else will have exactly the same experience.
There is knowledge to be acquired, and most importantly, there is truth. YOUR truth.

Next step is to take stock of your life with a clearer view of the reality of things, and decide what you can change to make your patch of grass a little greener.
Cuz face it kids - this life slips by a little faster each day. There’s no need to accept anything less than what you deserve from anything or anybody.

So you make some hard decisions or you don’t. Totally your choice.

If I can offer any words of advice though, don’t let fear prevent you from making the right choices. I’ve been down that particular road a few times, and it inevitably leads to a dead end.
It can also lead to lengthy stay at Hotel Regret. And they don’t have a pool.

To make this very long story short, I’m saying that there comes a time in all of our lives that we have to buck the eff up and take responsibility for our own happiness. Do what we can to enhance the good in our lives, sacrifice when it’s worth it, and move along when it’s not.

When something isn’t working for you and your inner voice is screaming itself hoarse, only you have the option to make the changes that are best for you.
I know it sounds a lot easier than it is, but I think you owe it to yourself to stand up and protect your worth.
Because you ARE worthy of the best, if you allow yourself to be. And I think it’s important to tell yourself that every now and again.

Happy Easter

2007-04-05T08:15:00.000-07:00

Today is going to be a short day at work I figure. I don't plan on staying much past noon today as I want to get an early start on the long weekend.

Not a lot planned for Easter this year...going to sleep in tomorrow, cook a turkey dinner with Sandy on Saturday, and hopefully get out for a bike ride on Sunday if this crazy ass weather finally cooperates.

Happy Easter everyone!

Shiny Happy People

2007-04-02T10:25:00.000-07:00

So I watched The Pursuit of Happyness yesterday.
Good movie.

Although the main story was that of a man struggling to survive with barely any money, a young son to look after, and the dream of a making a better career for himself to look after his son, there was one line in the film that really made me think.

The main character narrated a thought about a line in the declaration of independence:
Life, Liberty, and the PURSUIT of Happiness.

He said that he had always wondered why Thomas Jefferson thought to put the word PURSUIT in there. Like, how did he know it would always be a pursuit? Did this mean that we as humans could never fully be happy in this life? That we will always be pursuing the dream of happiness, rarely able to attain it, only chase after the idea of it?

Very interesting indeed.

This struck a strong chord with me, because I have been struggling with this for the last few months in my own life.
When I heard this in the movie, it was a total whoa moment.

I really wonder…

What exactly IS happiness? What do we base it on? What should we sacrifice for it? Is it even a tangible state of being? And if so, for how long?

Not trying to be a pessimist here, but I really do think that the moments of true happiness in life are few and far between. The majority of it seems like a struggle to reach some plain of palatable contentment.
And that’s only within ourselves, as singular beings.
Add other people to the mix - friends, family, spouse’s - it seems damn near impossible to attain a balanced state of happiness throughout.
Then there’s societal pressure to be the portrait of success, and that almost always boils down to money. A man made evil that we spend our entire lives trying to make, hoard, spend, and invest. Another pursuit all in itself.

So I’m thinking, perhaps this theory of happiness is just that for a lot of people - a theory, a dream.
An idea that keeps us going, keeps us working, keeps us sacrificing our own wants/needs.

Maybe yes, maybe no.

In many ways, I suppose it’s a good thing. I mean if we all woke up one day and realized that true happiness is a myth, I suppose we would all soon become a very depressed and counter productive society.
Mediocrity would become the new black.

The dream of ideal circumstances keeps us motivated to try harder and do better, and I guess that could never be a bad thing.

My thought, though, is that perhaps we should be content with what we have and who we are as we are, at some points in our lives.
Feeling the need to continue to pursue this allusive happiness we hear so much about can really take our focus off the here and now, which may be just fine as it is.

There will always be something we long for, something we imagine will complete us and fill in the gaps, which we are convinced will lead us all to the coveted elation of true happiness.
It keeps us moving. It keeps us determined. It keeps us focused on a prize.

What do you suppose would happen if you actually reached true happiness though? If you attained everything you had ever dreamed about, worked towards, and sacrificed for?
Do you believe it would be everything you had wished for?
What would your goals be after that point?

Would that be the end of the course of your natural life - because the pursuit was won, the prize obtained?

Interesting to think about.

Goin On Up To The Fish Tank in the Sky

2007-03-22T08:11:00.000-07:00

Well my favorite fish died this morning before work and I’m all bummed.

She was a medium sized white angel fish with blush cheeks, and was the first fish I bought when Sandy got me an aquarium as a gift about 4 years ago.
She had quite the little personality.

Highlights of her life included:

- Greeting me with furious tale wags and head bobbing every time I came home - (probably because she equated my presence with food).

- Laying eggs and then promptly eating them all every 2 weeks for about 6 months during the 3rd year of her life. Seemed like a lot of wasted effort.

- Gouging out her male counterparts eyes rendering him blind in a lovers spat. He’s still alive and kicking, but blind as a bat.

- Generally making her queen biatch status known to all others in the tank - especially new comers.

- How quickly she learned that “the net” meant it was time out (lol) whenever she was harassing the other fish in the tank.

- How she made out like she hadn’t eaten in months every time I fed her. She was all about the gluttony I tells ya.

Sigh.

She hadn’t been doing well for the last couple of weeks, just being really lethargic and having no interest in food at all.
Last night she began laying on her tail/side in the corner of the tank, breathing really rapidly. I was freaking out all night cuz I figured she was suffering and/or in pain. Then before bed, I got all sad and realized how much I’d miss her and her little attitude.

This morning, she was barely moving before my shower, and stopped breathing altogether by the time I had to leave for work.
So I took her out of the tank, wrapped her in some paper towel, put her in a Ziploc bag, and brought her to work with me.
She’s sitting on my desk right now.

Hahahahahaha. As if.

No, I tossed her in the trash bin on my way out, and that was that.

Sigh.

I will miss my little buddy.

In other news, I have a sushi lunch date today with some co-workers that I am totally salivating over. How ironical.
We’re gonna hork like its 4 BC in T-minus 2.5 hours and I am totally excited. I haven’t had sushi in eons.

As for feeling guilty about eating fish on the day my fish passed away, I am trying not to.
I’m sure my fish friend would want me to be happy - if that means getting all Genghis Kahn over a sushi boat and tempura, so be it.

Float on my friend, float on.

In Love Yet Again

2007-03-20T17:39:00.000-07:00

Le sigh...
Sweet christ.

The new Modest Mouse album - We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank - was released in stores today.

I promptly ran myself to the local record store after work, picked it up, and booted 'er home to take my first glorious listen. I was so excited to rip it open and pop it into the stereo that my poor bladder almost burst cuz I didn't want to stop and take care of biz, but I digress.

Anyways, home safe and sound, currently on track 5, and am absolutley in love with them all over again.

I didn't think they could top Good News for People Who Love Bad News, or the Moon and Antarctica for that matter, but I was wrong.
This new CD kicks so effen hard that I'm literally salivating.

Oh Modest Mouse, how I love thee.

Pick it up, download it to your iPod, whatevs.
Your life will be so much better for it, promise.

Pump Up The Jam

2007-03-19T18:16:00.000-07:00

What exactly is it that makes male co-workers in the office think that all women are masters of the photocopier?
For serious.
I’ve been noticing this disturbing trend for the last couple of weeks, and for the life of me, I can’t figure it out.
And I am not trying to be sexist or typecast a gender here – but I swear; 99% of the time it’s the guys.

Me or any other female staff member can be casually walking by, cutting through the copy room, on our way to a meeting, talking to a client, juggling razor sharp shinto knives, putting out a fire, taming rabid dogs, etc.
Whatever the situation is, it’s always "Ummmm - ‘scuse me, I have a paper jam in B4."
Ummm…that’s nice? I have indigestion.

Do I have a sign on my back that says Xerox technician?
Didn’t think so.

I’ll help anyone who genuinely needs it, but like come ON people. The LCD on the copiers in our office show step by step instructions on where the jam is and how to get it out. It’s pretty much idiot proof. Or so I thought.

These guys are technicians and engineers. If they can’t clear a paper jam from B4, A1, or any other orifice in the machine, then I really begin to wonder if we should all be worried about the safety of our gas plants, high rise buildings, and roadways.
They do design them after all.

Meh.
Maybe they’re just not interested in having to lower themselves to such meager tasks that us female peons are traditionally ‘supposed’ to be there to take care of.
News flash though – not all of the girls in the office are admin in this day and age. A lot of us are right up there in the same ranks as the alpha males, and as such, deserve a little common courtesy and respect.

Hence, when I am obviously walking by with my hands full of business on my way to see someone, don’t grunt and go "guuuhhh…there’s A PAPER JAM IN b4!!!"
Sheesh.
One might be a bit more responsive and willing to help if they got a please or thank you.

It just irritates me to no end that these people expect that you have nothing better to do than assist them with every complaint and whim.
Shit. When I have a paper jam or error, I read the INSTRUCTIONS blinking up in electric blue font right in front of me on the machine and follow the steps to fix the problem.
Seems to work pretty well.

Anyways. Back to my observation.

I have consistently noticed that when another man happens to walk by in the midst of the paper jam cussing and confusion, the cry for help is non existent. That’s when I’ve noticed the helpless male subject actually start reading the LCD prompts on the copier and/or opening the machine to see where the problem lies.
There’s grumbling, but no cry for help.

Once a female walks by though, totally different story.
It’s all "Oooooooohhh Nooooooo!! Whatever will I DO??? This machine hates me, it’s evil, it’s eaten my report!! THERE’S A PAPER JAAAAM!!!"

And for the most part, the woman will stop what they’re doing and help until it’s solved.

Correction.
I mean will take control by reading the instructions on the machine and then systematically resolving the situation, step by step.
For the most part, the male steps back, or in some cases, will walk away altogether.

My question is why?

What is it about the female presence in a situation such as this that seems to drive this mommy help me behavior?
You’d think the opposite would be the case – the macho man who can fix anything arh, arh, arrrh behavior.

But it just isn’t so in the office environment.
Weird.

I am by no means saying ALL guys are like this, but the majority of the ones I work with certainly are. Just seems odd.

And it got my gears turning, hence this post.

Discuss.

For All My Male Sisters...

2007-02-28T16:59:00.000-08:00

lol - awesome...

"What What (In The Butt)"

That flaming cross in the beginning is my favorite part!

Hey Skybar - perhaps we should add this one to the playlist for future house party dance fests in your living room? Qued up right after Gowan and CRUUUUUUE!

Supersize Me

2007-02-28T09:45:00.000-08:00

It’s bloody miserable outside. Snowing and blowing - ack.
I think it’s about time that winter left us alone for another year by now…

Anyways.

I read this article today in the paper, and saw the video piece on it last night on the national news:

Overweight eight-year-old sets off child obesity debate
Wednesday, February 28, 2007

LONDON (AP) -- A mother who feared she might lose custody of her obese eight-year-old son unless he lost weight was allowed to keep the boy after striking a deal Tuesday with social workers to safeguard his welfare.

The case has set off a debate over child obesity and raised questions about whether genetics, junk food or bad parenting is to blame.

Connor McCreaddie, of Wallsend in northeastern England, weighs 218 pounds, four times the weight of a healthy child his age.

Connor and his mother, Nicola McKeown, 35, both attended a child protection meeting Tuesday with North Tyneside Council officials.
Before it began, McKeown, a single mother of two, said she hoped she would not lose custody of her son.

Afterward, the Local Safeguarding Children Board issued a statement saying it "was able to confirm that its hope and ambition is to enable this child to remain with his family. In order to move this matter forward, we have made a formal agreement with the family to safeguard and promote the child's welfare."

The agency provided no details about what Connor or his mother would have to do to fight his obesity.

The hearing was held under the Children Act, which places a duty on the local authority to conduct an inquiry if it has "reasonable cause to suspect that a child ... in their area is suffering, or is likely to suffer, significant harm."

The boy's case attracted national attention after his mother allowed an ITV News crew to film his day-to-day life for a month.

When he was 21/2, Connor was too heavy for his mother to pick him up, and at age five, he weighed more than 126 pounds, said The Journal, a regional newspaper. Now the boy, who is tall for his age at five feet, wears adult clothes, the newspaper said.

Sky TV showed footage of Connor's mother serving him meals of french fries, meat and buttered bread.

"He'll hover around the kitchen for food. He'll continually go in the fridge," McKeown said of her son. "I just keep telling him to get out of the fridge, wait until meal times and stuff. But ... he was born hungry. He has always been hungry."

"Bacon. Mmmm.... That's my favourite. Um ... chicken , steak, sausage," the boy told the camera.
Obesity is essentially caused by eating more calories than you burn. Obese people are sometimes thought to have lower metabolic rates than normal, meaning they need less food to maintain their weight.

Childhood obesity is of particular concern because it greatly increases the risks of cardiovascular disease, diabetes, skeletal disorders and strokes. Certain cancers are also associated with obesity, and obese children have a higher chance of premature death.

Several genetic conditions also contribute to obesity, such as Prader-Willis syndrome, a rare disease characterized by excessive appetite, problems in the central nervous system and a low IQ. Another rare genetic disease, Bradet-Biedl syndrome, can lead to problems such as vision loss, obesity and being born with extra fingers and toes.

It remained unclear whether doctors had determined whether diet and lifestyle were the only cause of Connor's obesity. -

Here’s a pic of Connor:

This is a horrific story.

I understand that the mother loves her child and wishes to give him what he wants as an expression of her love, but like, come ON lady.

Your kid is 218 pounds at age 8!! Be concerned for his health for crying in the sink.
I mean really.
His heart must be working some serious effen overtime! I bet he has high blood pressure and/or diabetes too.

I’m sure it’s possible that a genetic condition of some kind may be contributing to his predisposition to be overweight, but I suspect diet is the main culprit here.

I was eating my dinner last night when the footage of this child came on, and I totally lost my appetite.
He was devouring the nastiest, greasiest chicken drumstick I've ever seen in one shot, and sucking on the gristle of a shiny, fatty pork chop in the other, professing his love to the food as he inhaled it. “Mmm…I love me pork chops..slurp, narb, hum, blargh, snort, yum...*

Gah. Turned my stomach.

I hope the mother can get some professional assistance from a dietician or something to change this kid’s diet on the ASAP. As well as her own eating habits no doubt - she does buy the fattening stuff from the grocery store on her own accord.
Maybe she just really doesn’t know any better.

I’d hate to see the family broken apart due to this - a kid in the “system” rarely results in a good outcome.

But I suppose if nothing changes and the mother doesn’t put her foot down by seriously restrcting caloric intake, then a stint away from home for health may be the only answer.

Sweet Christ.
I still can’t even believe he’s only 8!

Busy Makes One Dizzy

2007-02-22T08:53:00.000-08:00

Meh…just too effen busy to post these days.

I’ll make a plan for a great post highlighting what kind of shenanigans I got into while hanging out with Sandy and our friends, but by the time I get time to write a post, it’s like 5 days later, and seems like old news.

The majority of my time is work, and I mean like averaging 10-12 hours a day.
That may not sound like much, but I'm ending up with between 50-60 hours on my time card every week! Wtf happened to the good ol' 9-5/40 hrs per week?

I’m involved in a very intense project right now (and for the rest of the year) that is very mentally demanding. By the time I get home, I don’t have much to offer in the brains department unfortunately.

So although I have every intention to post when thoughts pop into my head or a funny thing happened in the course of my days, I just never can when I have the mind for it.

So I do apologize for the lack of posts, but not too much I can do to change the situation right now.

Unless of course I quit my job. AS IF.

Perhaps I should begin trying my luck at the lottery.

Or hanging out at the casino.

Bingo halls?

Some anonymous www angel send me a check for a couple hundred thousand so I can take a much needed break from the corporate zoo and paint for a year or two?

Prolly not gonna happen.

Ah well, such is life.
Just gotta keep chugging along.

Sweet Hay-Zeus

2007-02-15T06:52:00.000-08:00

Dear time,

Please slow the fuck down.

Thank you.

Best,

GIDDY up!

2007-02-11T12:07:00.000-08:00

lol...

Hunting for Rabbits

2007-02-07T18:29:00.000-08:00

I’ve been reading a lot lately about the human condition to search.

To search for happiness, to search for love.
To search for meaning.
To search for satisfaction, to search for validation.
To search for wealth, to search for ways to reach a certain status quo.

To search, to search, to search.

We all do it; it’s part of the human condition.

The more I digest this information and the more I observe my own desire to search for the bigger and the better, it’s becoming clear that WHAT we search for is not the point, and it most probably won’t make us satisfied in the long run.
I think it comes down to WHY we are searching.

What is causing this underlying desire to search? What is missing within US that makes us look for relief from outside sources?

Big question.

I suppose it comes down to self-observation to narrow down our inner desire to search.
Which is no easy feat in this day and age – we are bombarded with information and noise overload 24 hours a day. Doesn’t leave much room for inner reflection I reckon.

But sometimes, if we’re quiet, we can hear and see what precipitates the urge to fill a perceived void. Even if just for a moment.
It’s a bit scary I think, because we get a clear view of what unfinished business we are carrying around inside of ourselves that is causing the unease. The unrest. The discomfort.

If we look at it this way, we must accept that we have some work to do on ourselves.

And that’s tough, right?

Much easier to look for a new pair of shoes, a new lover, a new job, a new investment, whatever does it for you.

Thing is, the temporary satisfaction we get from these outside fillers is just that – temporary. Filler.

And we return to feeling that something’s missing again and again. And in turn, we busy ourselves with outside "distractions" to fill the void again and again.
Wash, rinse, repeat.

I think it takes a lot of courage to face one’s own self. Our faults, our shortcomings, our inner feelings of inadequacy, our fears.
But the more I think about it, the more I think that once we do this, we won’t have a choice but to accept it and deal with it.
The result, naturally, would be a seriously decreased need to search for something we won’t ever fully find in the outside world anyways.

Perhaps then, the things/people/situations that are truly meant for us in this life would come to us? No searching involved.

Sounds good in theory, looks good on paper, but probably one of the hardest things any one of us will ever try and truly master.

There ya go kids.
Stick that in the refrigerator and let it marinate overnight.

The Definition of Disgruntled

2007-01-23T14:57:00.000-08:00

Kay, so I know I haven’t posted in a long time, and I was hoping to come back with a brilliant and glorious tale to change the way the human mind thinks, thus making me revered and celebrated the whole world over, thus making me rich both in personal satisfaction and monetary wealth.

BUT. That didn’t happen.

So, I will rant instead.

So at work, we’ve been told that we were going to move offices every week for the last 2 months. Every week we were told, and every week it was delayed. So I suppose I stopped paying attention after a while.
Anyways, last Friday at like 10:30am, me and my project team get an email from our oh so competent (as IF) office administrator, telling us to pack up cuz our crap was being moved on Saturday. Gee, thx for the notice.
So we all end up staying late Friday afternoon getting our offices packed up and our computer equipment ready to go. We’re told to go to the new building Monday morning and everything would be set up and ready to go.
Sounds easy enough.

Well, it didn’t turn out that way in the least.

I was the first one in yesterday morning, and because our card keys weren't programmed to let us in yet, I was locked out for almost 45 minutes. I had to call the office admin. to walk all the way over here (20 minutes from our old office) and let me in.
So I get in, and there’s literally garbage, construction scraps, and dust everywhere. I go to my new “office”, and first find that it’s an effen cubicle (dear gawd not again), RIGHT beside the reception area (holy LOUD, many distractions), our computers were plopped down hastily on top of our desks. Not plugged in, no network cables, no power bars, NA-DA.
Sweet. Keep it coming.

So after spending a couple hours setting up and unpacking, it becomes evident that no office supplies are here or coming in the near future.
So of course they ask me and the only other girl on the team to head back to the old office and pick up a basic set of supplies to hold everyone over. 20 minutes there, 20 minutes back, arms fully loaded.

Get back to the new office, and am thirsty as eff. Go to the kitchen, no cups. No matter, cuz there’s no water cooler either. Yes!

I figure I should take a pee break. I go to the women’s washroom, and find it’s locked. Rawk on.
I call the office admin and ask her to find out wtf about the bathroom, and she never returns my call. I go down to security myself, and tell them we need keys for the women’s facilities here, and dude gives me two.
Anyways, at least we can pee now.
Try out the new keys to get in, and yep they work, but holy effen GROSS in there. Christ almighty I’m ready to blow my lid soon!
Go down to the store on the corner and pick up Lysol scrubbing wipes. Come back and start scrubbing that biatch so it’s somewhat user friendly.

Finally get back to my desk, and there’s literally a line up of guys asking me where’s this, what’s that, I need this, we need that.
Kay, last time I checked, my job description did not outline office bitch duties of any kind.
This is getting ridiculous.
I’ve got emails coming out my ass, my phone message light is blinking up a storm, which doesn’t matter cuz I can’t retrieve them yet anyways, and I’ve got people grumbling at ME about the whole sitch.
Hey man, last time I checked, it sucked for me in here too. Don’t preach to the preacher.

Things sorta settle down, the phones get fixed, the computers are up and running.
We don’t have a printer or a photocopier though. That’s coming “sometime”. Excellent.
For now, we can use the one on the floor above us, which has been idling an error message since yesterday at 9:44 am.
Effen rights.

We don’t have a secretary in the works, cuz the one they had in mind was pissed that she wasn’t invited to the kick-off meetings so said eff you to the PM. I am the closest to the reception area. In a 6 by 6 cube no less.
See where this is going?
Every 5-6 minutes I am interrupted with questions, complaints, orders, people at the door.

First thing this morning for instance, first one in again, and I hear a "HAAA-ROOOW, HAA-ROOW!" coming from the front door. It's the corporate express guy with 61 effen boxes of supplies for the initial office setup.
Well no one else is here, so I have to sign for all this crap, whether it was all of what was ordered or not. Then, I have to unpack the shit and put it all away. Awesome.

Then the Venezuelans arrive to take residence in their offices, and there's no computers ready for them, no phones, nothing. So I am standing there like a fool all "uuuhhhh, we just moved in, so...". Kick ass.

The rest of today has been in update meetings, where I've had nothing to update cuz I've been busy with all this other crap. And the PM is like "don't let them on to the fact that we're underprepared, we'll get it sorted out."
Whatever you say boss. Makes it a bit difficult to answer the questions they direct at me in the meetings though. I'm perfecting the art of talking out of my ass for crying in the sink.

This is effen BS. It’s only Tuesday and I am totally ready to call it a week.

And there. THAT’S MY UPDATE.

Duuuuhhhhhh...

2007-01-12T08:53:00.000-08:00

The current lack of posts/updates on my blog is proudly brought to you by:

For serious. I feel like I have a brain cloud latley. (Maybe it's the fact that work is getting really awesome at sucking my soul).

Anyhoo, my apologies dear readers - until this lifts, I will be unable to provide your daily CC fix.

Them's the breaks.

Hope everyone else's creative juices are flowing alot more freely than mine right now out there in blog land. Seems mine are down to barely a trickle...

I'm sure I'll be back soon enough.

iPhone!

2007-01-10T11:44:00.000-08:00

This thing is pure sex.

I can't effen wait until they are available in Canada. Woot!

All the glorious details here.

Did They Stick You In here Cuz You Weren't Working Right?

2007-01-04T07:44:00.000-08:00

I took one of those online tests on personality disorders this morning for kicks, and here are the results I got:

Disorder Rating

Paranoid Disorder: Low

Schizoid Disorder: Moderate

Schizotypal Disorder: Low

Antisocial Disorder: Low

Borderline Disorder: Moderate

Histrionic Disorder: Low

Narcissistic Disorder: Moderate

Avoidant Disorder: Low

Dependent Disorder: Low

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: High

-Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -

Well, I'm glad to know that I'm not a raving lunatic or anything like that, but obviously the moderate and high ratings were of concern initially.

The schizoid rating and definition:

People with schizoid personality disorder avoid relationships and do not show much emotion. Unlike avoidants, schizoids genuinely prefer to be alone and do not secretly wish for popularity. They tend to seek jobs that require little social contact. Their social skills are often weak and they do not show a need for attention or acceptance. They are perceived by others as humorless and distant and often are termed "loners."

also:

- Weak interpersonal skills
- Difficulty expressing anger, even when provoked

- Loner" mentality; avoidance of social situations
- Appear to others as remote, aloof, and unengaged
- Low sexual desire
- Unresponsive to praise or criticism

Hmm. Not sure about this one.

- I agree that I don't seek or respond well to exclusive attention or praise for the things I do.
- I don't agree that I have weak interpersonal skills. I am rather social and team oriented for the most part.

- My sex drive is certainly not low.

- I do like working independently, but find it's mainly during times when there is a deadline or where there is conflict within the team; hindering progress.

The borderline rating and definition:

Borderline personality disorder is characterized by mood instability and poor self-image. People with this disorder are prone to constant mood swings and bouts of anger. Often, they will take their anger out on themselves, causing injury to their own body. Suicidal threats and actions are not uncommon. Borderlines think in very black and white terms and often form intense, conflict-ridden relationships. They are quick to anger when their expectations are not met.

also:

- Self-injury or attempted suicide
- Strong feelings of anger, anxiety, or depression that last for several hours
- Impulsive behavior
- Drug or alcohol abuse
- Feelings of low self-worth
- Unstable relationships with friends, family, and boyfriends/girlfriends

Well holy hell who knew?? Jaaayzus.

This does not ring very true with me in most respects.

- I think I live pretty much in the grey area of life, although I consider the blacks and whites of any situation.

- I have dabbled in drugs in the past, and understand that I have an addictive tendency, so have curbed most all drug use for quite some time now. Ciggies and drinks though? Hell to the yes. The last two legal drugs. Those are my long term vices, and find it hard to quit them both completley.

- I was suicidal in my late teen years, but have never really fallen back into that way of thinking.

- I think most of my realtionships are pretty stable.

- I do have mood swings, and can be easily angered at times out of frustration. I don't think it's out of control though.

I could be wrong.

The Narcissistic rating and definition:

Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by self-centeredness. Like histrionic disorder, people with this disorder seek attention and praise. They exaggerate their achievements, expecting others to recongize them as being superior. They tend to be choosy about picking friends, since they believe that not just anyone is worthy of being their friend. Narcissists tend to make good first impressions, yet have difficulty maintaining long-lasting relationships. They are generally uninterested in the feelings of others and may take advantage of them.

also:

- Requires excessive praise and admiration
- Takes advantage of others
- Grandiose sense of self-importance
- Lack of empathy
- Lying, to self and others
- Obsessed with fantasies of fame, power, or beauty

LMAOOOOOO is all I gotta say.

- Kay first of all AS IF.

- Secondly, how can I require praise and admiration if my "schizoid" tendencies tell me I am unresposive to praise and do not seek acceptance or attention? Contradict much? Holaaay.

- lolololololol @ "obsessed with fantasies of fame, power, and beauty. Yep, that's me allright. Jeesh.

- Takes advantage of others, lying, lack of empathy??? I am at a loss for words. Except lolololol.

The Obsessive-Compulsive rating and definition:

While Obsessive-Compulsive personality disorder (OCDP) sounds similar in name to obsessive-compulsive anxiety disorder, the two are markedly different disorders. People with obsessive-compulsive personality disorder are overly focused on orderliness and perfection. Their need to do everything "right" often interferes with their productivity. They tend to get caught up in the details and miss the bigger picture. They set unreasonably high standards for themselves and others, and tend to be very critical of others when they do not live up to these high standards. They avoid working in teams, believing others to be too careless or incompetent. They avoid making decisions because they fear making mistakes and are rarely generous with their time or money. They often have difficulty expressing emotion.

also:

- Need for perfection and excessive discipline
- Preoccupation with orderliness
- Inflexibility
- Lack of generosity
- Hyper-focus on details and rules
- Excessive devotion to work

Now this one I definatley agree with! OCD to the tits for this woman!

- I am absolutley obsessed with order, organization, diligence, hard work, discipline, and high standards.

- I am stubborn and often inflexible. Which pisses people off, which I am ok with ;)

- Devoted 110% to my career.

- I agree that although I like the team dynamic at work, I often prefer to do things I am well experienced with on my own to get them done correctly and quickly. I don't have a lot of faith in other people's input or output, I'll admit it. Years of experiencing problems with attitudes, laziness, and outright defiance have contributed to me thinking this way though, that's for sure.

- Very, very, very detail oriented. I go over everything with a fine tooth comb. And a Lysol disinfectant wipe.

- I ENJOY making decisions, so I don't agree with that point.

- I am very generous with both my time and my money, almost too much at times, so I don't agree with that point either.

And there you have it.

Me, disected by an online personality test and posted for all the world to see. Huzzah!

I don't know what kind of credibilty these types of sites have, or where they get their source data for diagnosis, but I say go for it anyways.

Take the test and see what it has to say.

I think we can all identify with some of the points in every category.

But I certainly wouldn't take it to heart too much if you don't identify very much with all of the personality traits generated by the questionnare.

Perhaps it will give you some insight, perhaps not.

It's just a silly little www quiz afterall.

Back to Liiiife, Back to Reality

2007-01-02T14:35:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year folks!

I hope you all had a great time over the holiday and enjoyed the people that mean the most to you - cuz after all the excitement is over, the gifts are unwrapped, the meals prepared and eaten, that’s what really matters most I reckon.

I had a pretty good Christmas break.

I got to visit family - both my own and my extended family (Sandy’s side), enjoyed some great home cooking, consumed a fair share of rum and eggnog, slept in everyday, and got some much needed rest.
It was nice to have the time off, even though the time absolutely flew by with catching up on chores and visits with friends we hadn’t seen in a long time.

I am most excited to report that I got a super sweet acoustic guitar from Sandy for Christmas - that was a surprise that had me speechless for at least a half an hour.
I haven’t had much time to play around with it yet, but plan to learn how to play this year. I’ve picked up some beginners guides to reading guitar tabs, but really get the feeling that I will learn mostly by listening and figuring out the chords by ear. I’ve never been able to read music, so that’s all rather confusing to me.
Yep - I think that a few local lessons and just strumming and practicing picking up notes by ear in my spare time will be the ticket.
I’m looking forward to it.

Anyways, like I said it’s back to the grind, and I’m actually kind of happy all of the excitement is over with for another year.
Don’t get me wrong - I love Christmas and New Year’s, but the more hectic it’s become over the years, the more it seems kind of…excessive?

No.

Stressful.

Yes, stressful.

So I’ve decided that next year, I’m going to spend my holiday break in Mexico.

Seriously.

It’s time to start doing these kinds of trips and actually getting away for a break.
Getting bogged down with the day to day obligations in life and the ever dwindling personal time we have after our work and social demands are taken care of, leaves what precious holiday time we do have packed full of the things we didn’t get done when we didn’t have the time.
Whoa.
Did that even make sense? The old noggin is a bit rusty after 10 days of little thinking, miniscule amounts of reading, zero writing, and zero painting.

I guess my point is we have to get Away to GET AWAY. Like to a place where we are forced to relax and enjoy ourselves simply because we’ve removed ourselves from our regular surroundings.
Well, it’s a theory at any rate.
Only way to find out if it’s true is to go and do it. So that’s the plan for next year kids.

In completely unrelated news, it’s Sandy’s birthday on Thursday.
I know right? Right after Christmas. What a jip for her. I feel sorry for all of the late December/early January babies out there - the last thing ppl usually want to do after Christmas is go shopping or party any more.
But a birthday is an important day in life, and therefore should be celebrated no matter what day of the year you were born.

As Sandy is quite into photography (or used to be I should say, in her younger days), I got her a 7.1 mega pixel Olympus digital SLR camera, 512mb Memory stick, and carrying case for her birthday.

I think she’ll like it. It’s more for photography than day to day shots, and can be accessorized with numerous conversion lenses for different types of image capture/effects.
I hope she'll like it. Actually, I think she will. I think she’ll love it.

Woot!

Her mother is coming into town on her birthday and I won't see much of her, so we’ll be celebrating together tomorrow night instead. I am ordering a shit load of sushi from Sakanna Grill for us, having a nice bottle of wine ready, and giving her her gift.
Quiet, simple, but I think it will be a nice evening.

Lastly - I am trying to quit smoking for good. Again. I’ve tried on many occasions before, and have always seemed to relapse at one point or another.
It’s not going too badly.
So far I am 18 hours, 9 minutes, 2 seconds smoke free, have NOT smoked 12 cigarettes, have saved 2 hours of my life, and saved $7.04 - according to quitnet.com.
I’ve had a few cravings today, but am seemingly okay managing them drinking lots of cold water.
We’ll see if it gets much worse. They say the first 3 days is the worst in terms of physical symptoms (it takes 72 hours for your body to be completely nicotine free). After that, it’s pure will power. I think everyone is individual though, and it will differ from person to person.

I hope all goes fairly easily this time, and I can kick this old habit for good!

2006-12-24T10:52:00.000-08:00

Wishing everyone a safe and happy holiday season!

xoxoxoxo

Always In My Heart

2006-12-19T16:59:00.000-08:00

In loving memory of my mom - Judy, who lost her battle with breast cancer 14 years ago tonight.

May she rest in eternal peace, far away from the suffering she endured during the last months of her young life.

Judy Lynn Leece ~ May 1, 1957 - December 19, 1992

Hi, my name is CC, and I have OCD at Christmas

2006-12-19T11:33:00.000-08:00

I think I have seasonal OCD. If that’s even possible.

For reals.
I cannot stop making people open the Christmas gifts I got for them early. It literally drives me crazy, I can’t even stand it.

If the person I bought the gift for is near me, I bug them and bug them to open it up, open it PLEEEASE, please pleeease open it, open it right now, omg you will die, OPEN IIIIIT!!! I’ll be so happy if you open it!!! YOU’LL be so happy if you open it!

Oooopen it! You could use it RIGHT NOW!!!

If you don’t open it, I swear to gawd I’ll scream.

JUST! OPEN! IIIT!

It’s impossible for me to control. Not to mention I drive these poor souls nuts while I obsess myself right out of my skin.

And then what ends up happening is I go shopping again to replace the gifts that they have already opened so that they have something to open on Christmas. It’s costing me a bloody fortune, I swear. I’m up to almost 2 grand already this year.
I know, right.
Eff sakes.

WTF is this all about exactly?
It’s the same thing every year, and every year I swear I won’t do it next year, but as soon as I have a gift wrapped and ready to put under the tree, I NEED the recipient to open it.
It drives me mental. No joke.

So the only solution I can think of is to stay away from the people I bought for until its Christmas day in order to control myself.
Which sucks, because I want to see my g/f and friends before the weekend.
But it may very well be the only answer.

I wonder if I should see a doctor about it in the new year?
It’s the one and only thing that I cannot control, and I just can’t seem to not do that on Christmas or on ppl’s birthdays.

Maybe I really am a bit cracked after all.

Well, it has put me in the giving mood at any rate, and I am feeling pretty effen festive this week.

Now if I can just hold out until Monday before I pressure anyone else to open their gifts early.

Perhaps I should put the remaining gifts in a safety deposit box…

What's YOUR Movie-nality?

2006-12-18T11:28:00.000-08:00

Interesting...

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Humbuggery

2006-12-15T10:26:00.000-08:00

Holy Canolli it’s been a busy week!

Work’s zooming along at a ridiculous pace, and I haven’t gotten off before 7pm once this week. Add to this Christmas shopping during my lunch hours because I have no time at night to do it, forgetting to eat, and late bed times, and blam - I am running on empty kids.

This morning I am just out of it - I can’t think, my brain is on overload. Trying to follow through with one complete thought is proving difficult, but the good news is it’s Friday.
Thank eff.

In other news, I’m in kind of a funk over a conversation/misunderstanding that I had with Sandy yesterday about the time spent vs. exhaustion factor in both our lives lately. I won’t go into too many details, but it ended up that one of us took it the wrong way and got overly upset about it.
Bah.
I am in no mood for fighting with anyone right now - life is just too hectic as it is.
It’s also the Christmas season, and there is nothing worse than having relationship difficulties over the holidays. I really hope we can mend this rift fairly quickly and easily, but having said that, I know it’s going to take some adjustment and understanding on both our parts to deal with this new dynamic.

We shall see.

It seems that despite best intentions (in both life and love), nothing is turning out the way I envisioned it, and I’m feeling pretty overwhelmed right about now.

Here’s hoping the weekend remedies this ick I am feeling today.

Every Now & Zen

2006-12-11T11:58:00.000-08:00

I’ve been reading a book on “Everyday Zen” casually for the last few weeks, and although I don’t necessarily aspire to become a full fledged Buddhist beyotch, I am finding some of the ideas in it very logical.

The problem is applying them to everyday life in the urban jungle.

Ideally, you are advised to sit in “sesshin” for at least 15 minutes a day in complete silence and focus on nothing.

Which sounds easy enough, but apparently takes years to master.

I believe it, because I’ve tried it twice in the past week, and have yet to break the 1:23 minute mark.

It’s very interesting actually - you get a good idea of how your emotions, fears, anxieties, and selfishness affect your thinking. Which in turn become your actions and face in the world without you really noticing it.

At first, you notice how your legs feel in the sitting position, the grumbling of your tummy, the beating of your heart, etc.

Which is exactly what you are supposed to be thinking about and noticing and feeling.

But then, the chatter starts.

What’s on the to do list, who pissed you off at work, the anxiety over Christmas lists and activities, the bills, your weight, hair color. Have you been getting enough excercise?

Did you check the mail? Did you send the mail?
The thought of your favorite dessert enters your mind. Your mouth starts watering, and then you start talking yourself out of having it because it won’t help your weight concerns in the least. But you can bet it'd be good...mmmmm.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

All of this seems to occur about 50-60 seconds into the zazen practice of sitting and just being.
And that’s where the lesson and answers to your life apparently are.

I’m not convinced, but am definitely interested in learning more about the philosophy.

I know it won't be an easy feat, because I am a typical type A personality, and must have everything in order and under control all the time. That requires a lot of thinking and internal chatter!

I'm thinking maybe it's time to loosen up and relax a bit though - enjoy the moment instead of contemplateing the next million moments ahead of me and how I have to have an action plan for all of them.

Like I said, I don’t plan on becoming a monk and moving to Tibet or anything, but I would like to find a way to have a bit more inner peace in the midst of this crazy busy reality we are all a part of.

This zen philosophy basically implies finding a way to disconnect in order to reconnect.

Makes sense to me...

I think it’s probably pretty good for your overall health and sense of well being.

Go Shorty, It's My Birthday

2006-12-07T09:22:00.000-08:00

Welp - today's the big day folks. The big 3-0. Oy!

And now, some pics from Saturday's debauchery:

The beginning of the evening:

Sexy bitches:

Ummmm...

Curtis and me, lolling as usual:

The kick ass cake:

Me and Mel:

Me & my boys:

Hammered, obvs:

Sandy and her daughter, Jackie:

My older sis, Angie:

And finally, light's out:

Woot! I had so much fun with everyone, it was great.

As for today, I'm not planning on doing anything too crazy. I've been slammed at work, so I may even have to work late tonight, but all's well. Saturday's party was MORE than enough fun for this old lady for a while I reckon.

Sandy's going to make me dinner tonight, and perhaps a nice massage...ahhhh. Sounds like a great birthday evening to me...

Anyways, back to the grind.

Have a fab day everyone!

I Think I need A Liver Transplant

2006-12-04T09:57:00.000-08:00

My birthday party on Saturday night was a total blast! All of my fave ppl were nice enough to stop in and watch me get completely sloshed - I heart my friends ;)

I think I must have had about 12-15 vodka and gingers, numerous shots of tequila and sour puss by the time it was all said and done.
Good lord was I hammered.
In fact, I have no idea what time we left or the drive to Sandy’s afterwards! I sort of remember a friend of ours coming back home with us, but I didn’t stay up to visit. Seems I had decided to call it a night as soon as I walked in the door, and promptly got on top of Sandy’s bed, fully clothed, and passed out in my winter jacket. I woke up like that at 4:30 in the morning wondering wtf.
Must have been a good one.
Sandy was nice enough to snap some pics of me passed out in that state too - how sweet. I'll post some shots from the night later this week.

I couldn’t get out of bed until almost 3 yesterday afternoon for eff sakes; man, I was in rough shape. I’m still a little rough around the edges today - gah.
It was worth it though. I don’t imagine I’ll party like that again until I’m at least 40 ;)

ANYWAYS.

Besides being too drunk to remember portions of the evening, I had tons of fun hanging out with everyone.
Sandy got me a really cool cake with a DJ and turntables on it - one table said turning, the other said 30. The DJ’s hair was even similar to mine - twas tres cool.
It seems the music theme went hand in hand with a gift she gave me later; a super awesome Ipod 4GB nano with a separate speaker system to dock with if I want to use it as a stereo at home.
Effen rights! I’ve wanted an Ipod for ages! I can’t wait to load it up tonight after work when the battery is done charging.
WOOT!

Thanks for coming to celebrate with me everyone, and I apologize if I said/did anything stupid or offensive after about 10:30. I plead the fifth on everything from then on…

Happy Monday all.

T.G.I.EFF

2006-12-01T10:52:00.000-08:00

Well kids, turns out I was right about the “lead” of my department. Survey saaays…he’s an asshole.
To summarize, yesterday during a break in our meetings with the Venezuelans (the one and only that he showed his face at all week), he followed me into my office and proceeded to scream his displeasure at me.
He said their ideologies and procedures were “SHIT”, and that they are communists with no sense of “good faith”.

Hoookay then. What the hell does that have to do with anything?

My project manager came in and this idiot repeats his drivel again, says the proposal is ass backwards, and then promptly walked off the project.
Pretty much the same thing he did to me last year at the beginning of my stint in scheduling.

That’s not the worst of it either. The Venezuelans were in the coffee room which is right beside my office. And they heard everything that he said.
Nice.

Anyways, I went and talked to my boss and said he was an idiot and I didn’t want to be associated with that kind of behavior.
Unforch, fuck stick had beat me to it, and had gone and told my boss that there’s no value added in my working on this project, and that I won’t learn anything. So my boss was of the opinion that I should be pulled.
I was like EFF THAT!
I am more than fine with this and would like to stay on with no further input or interaction from the idiot.
I also said he should be talked to about his embarassing outbursts and general pessimistic attitude. I doubt anything will come of that, but hey, I voiced my concern.

So that’s it - case closed.
I’m on my own with this, and I am happy about it. I don’t need that kind of BS around me. Being associated in any way with him will only serve to make me look bad.
I honestly don’t think he wants me to succeed, I swear.

BUT ANYWAYS.
Enough of that. Thank fuck it's Friday.

So I’m totally excited about a pre-birthday party bash that Sandy put together for me tomorrow night at a bar that a friend of ours owns. I think the last time I had a real b-day party was in elementary school - for serious.
I am not usually one to get amped about birthdays - I usually like to keep it pretty quiet.
But not this year! No sir. I’m turning 30 for the love of it all - that’s major.

I’m going to party til I can’t stand anymore tomorrow night! One last hurrah to blow the 20’s out the door…should be good times.

I'm not actually turning the big thrice until this coming Thursday, but will be celebrating this weekend because next weekend is going to involve work, moving offices to another building, and of course...Skybars big Christmas bashtacular! Weee!

For all of you attending tomorrow, I am super excited x a gajillion to see you all, and I know we’re all going to have a blast. Have a few drinks, some laughs, some general debauchery, and just enjoy the company.
Sounds like a great night to me…

Woot!

Let Your Freak Flag Fly

2006-11-29T10:32:00.000-08:00

There’s this guy that’s been assigned to oversee (read: HELP) my contribution to the Venezuelan project I’ve been put on at work. He’s the senior scheduler/controls discipline lead for my department.

For the life of me, I can’t figure out what his problem is - and I’m usually pretty good at deconstructing people’s personalities in my head to find the best way “in” to them.

Well, this one’s throwing me for a loop.

There’s always the outside chance that he’s just an asshole, plain and simple, but I like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.

When I first started in this department, it was under the premise that he would be my mentor, helping me throughout the duration of a rather large project I was assigned to. Keep in mind, I had never done scheduling before, nor had I the need to pay much attention to what all the engineering discipline tasks and deliverables were all about or how they linked together (I was in finance prior to my current position).
Soooo…big learning curve obviously.
I figured I had nothing to worry about, as my boss assured me I’d be in great hands with this guy, and would be an expert in no time.

IF ONLY.

From the moment I walked in to 3 months later, this idiot did nothing but bring me into his office for lectures on scheduling philosophies and elaborate white board flow charts that were completely greek to me and really didn’t help me in terms of actual schedule DEVELOPMENT or reporting standards for the project.

He also disagreed with everything the project manager proposed and refused to bend or cooperate to incorporate his wishes in any way.
I thought this odd, as it was obvious he didn’t give a shite whose toes he stepped on in management, it was his way or no way.

This continued for 4 months, and after getting no actual hands on training from him, this guy up and quits the project - leaving me to compile a ginormous schedule with no prior experience or support.

Thanks a lot douche bag.

Anyways, as I was obviously not yet seasoned enough for the scope of that job, I was put onto smaller projects, and have been doing that ever since.
I have learned a fair bit along the way, and am now quite comfortable with scheduling.
The next step is detailed high level scheduling, which I am eager to take on, and this Venezuelan project is just the ticket to the next step in my career development.

Here’s the issue though - our contract with the client outlines a very detailed level of reporting, which I have not been exposed to yet.
The project is accelerated, so it’s not like I have long to piss about and learn things along the way - I need to know how, and I need to know NOW.
Well, la-dee-frickin-da - this same guy gets assigned to “over-see” me on the project. Fuck.
So far, he has read NONE of the material we’ve been given, so he has no idea about the project scope. He has been absent at every meeting with the client this week also. So I called him up and was like “hey, I know you’re busy and everything, but it would be much appreciated if you could come to one of these meetings as a voice on the reporting issues”. He is the “expert” after all.
He said he’s too busy, but would send me a template to use and come and show me what it’s all about.

Well wouldn’t that be nice.

But don't bend over backwards on my acocunt or anything. I wouldn't want to put you out.

The meeting was all of 10 minutes.
He opened the spreadsheets, said this is this, this is that, this calculates that, this is linked to that, and the graph comes out like this. End of meeting.
WTF.
Thanks a lot, and fuck you very much.

So, I figure, screw him, I’ll open it up and figure out the formulas and links myself, but wouldn’t you know it - it’s source protected so I can’t see the graph data/links, and it’s also password protected from changes.
Asshole.

I swear he does this on purpose.
Why?
I don’t know really. You’d think you’d want your staff to be well trained, as we are all representing the same cause. I mean, that’s logical in my mind.
But apparently that’s not the case.

Ironically enough, my boss thinks he is the greatest asset this company has ever acquired, and would do anything to keep him on staff.

I just can’t figure this one out. Is he a know it all whose afraid to pass on information in case some one upstages him in the future? Is it a cultural thing (he’s Russian)? A man vs. woman thing?

Effed if I know.

One thing I do know now is that I’ll figure it out soon enough on my own, and that’s usually the best (hardest?) way to learn. It’s been that way so far in my working career; I guess I shouldn’t expect it to change much now.

You can only depend on yourself for most things it seems. I don’t really get that, but I accept it.

He can shove his “philosophies” down someone else’s throat from now on. It’s not doing me any good, which I suspect is his goal - to confuse me. Whatever floats yer boat I guess.

I’m going to forge ahead with this alone, and I know I will be better off for it in the end.

Blech

2006-11-28T09:03:00.000-08:00

Ugh.

I have had a nasty bout of stomach flu since last Friday…I just want it to go away now.

I’ve recently been made the department lead on a huge new Venezuelan EOR project, and yesterday the project team from the tropics arrived in Calgary. I obviously couldn’t miss the project kick-off, so I had to stick it out the best I could for the very looong day.

Thank eff for Advil and Kaeopectate is all I gotta say.

After 9 hours of meetings, it was off to the Petroleum Club for cocktails and dinner.
Several glasses of white wine later (my glass mysteriously kept getting topped up), I forgot about the flu, and ended up having a great evening. The food was great (their Crème Brule is orgasmic), the people from Venezuela were very nice (also holy knowledgeable & organized…oy), and the hob knobbing with the top dogs of the company I work for was actually kind of fun. Except of course for the bosses’ wife - she kept dragging me out for cigs, and it was minus 40 degrees outside last night. Fucking frigid.

Anyways, before I know it, it’s like 9:30 - and I’ve been at “work” for like 14 hours already. I decided to go home, but good luck getting a cab in this weather. I bundled up as well as possible and embarked on a very quick walk home - I tell ya, even with long john’s, a sweater, a scarf, ear muffs, and insulated gloves, I FROZE. Seriously. I couldn’t feel my head face or legs by the time I got home, which was only about 15 minutes away.

This weather is nothing short of inhumane.

I know I shouldn’t complain - everyone is freezing their arses off this week in Alberta. I feel especially bad for the Venezuelans that are here for meetings all week - they are experiencing a 70 degree temperature difference from Caracas!
Sucks.

Then of course there are the homeless people. I can’t even imagine what they must be experiencing out there. The city opened an emergency shelter at the Stampede Grounds this weekend to help those that couldn’t get into the other shelters.
Despite the effort (which was too late IMO), a homeless person did die on the streets from the elements this past Saturday night. That is sicker than anything I can even think of, and I don’t want to get started on this topic again.
There’s no need for it in this or any other city in the country period. Shelter is a basic human RIGHT.

Anyways…here I am at work today, nursing a wine hangover, operating on very little sleep, and still fighting this blasted stomach flu (I’m sure the drinks last night didn’t help). GAH.
I just wanna go hoooooooooome and get in bed for the day! I am sick and tired - literally.

There. That’s better.
There’s my whoa-is-me post of the year.

Stay WARM everyone!

Dancing Queens

2006-11-23T09:52:00.000-08:00

So this group of 3 gay guys living in the apartment next to mine are driving me up the effen wall.
They are young - I’d say under 25, and LOUD LOUD LOUD.

Like all the time.

Screaming, hootin and hollerin, and generally acting like kids whose parents have permanently left them without a babysitter.

Then there’s the music.

Oh My Gawd, the music.

They constantly blare this euro techno crap in their place, and lucky me - my bedroom wall is right next to where I suspect their stereo is.
It doesn’t matter what day of the week, what time of the day; it’s always this BUMP-BUMP-BUMP-BA-DA-BUMP-BUMP-BUMP.

Egads - it never stops!

Kay - first of all, do you not have J-O-B-S? Or do yer mommy’s and daddy’s subsidize your rent and party funds for you?
It makes me wonder, because they party every night until well past 2 or 3 in the am.

Secondly - what exactly makes you think that the entire neighborhood wants to hear your shit trash music everyday? Not everyone feels like partaking in your impromptu raves every night! Jeesh. There are kids in some of the suites too, like how the parents get them to sleep at all is completely beyond me.

Going to my landlord to complain is absolutely pointless, as he is a useless tit that technically just lives there. Getting him to fix something, clean the hall ways, the laundry room, the foyer, the yard - not too likely. Getting him to get off his ass and tell one of the tenants to shut it probably isn’t in the cards.

So I have been partaking in a battle of wills with these fools myself for the last few months, and I tells ya, I’m getting tired of it. I just wish they’d move the eff out.

I’ve called the police on them twice on weekday nights at like 4am, but they just tell them to keep it down.
I printed off a copy of the noise bylaw and shoved it under their door. That shut them up for all of about a week.
I pound on the wall and yell at them to turn it down - it rarely works.
I have taken to placing my own stereo speakers right up against the wall, popping in the Pixies and Nirvana, and cranking it to 30. That shuts them up for just that night.

Sigh and AAAARRRRRGGGHHH.

Last night, it started up again at like 10:30, and I was like PLEASE DIE.

I considered egging their balcony or their front door. Decided against it, as I’m sure I’d get it right back.
I decided instead to put a honkus large post it note on their mailbox in the foyer for everyone to see. In giant Jiffy Marker I wrote:
NOT EVERYONE IN THIS BUILDING IS INTERESTED IN JOINING YOUR TECHNO TWINK DANCE PARTIES EVERY NIGHT. HAVE SOME RESPECT! KEEP IT DOWN TO A DULL ROAR PLEASE!!”

Tee-hee.

Immature? Absolutely.

But fuck me runnin up a hill - I’ve had it with these idiots.

It was gone from the mailbox when I left for work this morning, so one of them obviously saw it and took it off. I hope they are embarrassed enough to either turn it down or move out.
I doubt it though.

We’ll see if retribution pays me a visit tonight. I’m expecting something from them for sure.
Bring it on bitchez.

Say Hello, Remain Close to Me

2006-11-22T10:56:00.000-08:00

Some of the most meaningful moments in life occur when you are least expecting it.

As I was leaving work yesterday evening, I was debating whether or not I should get some household shopping out of the way. I really didn’t feel like it, but decided I’d better get it out of the way before old man winter blew in later in the night.
I got off work a bit late, and two of the stores I went to first were closed. This pissed me off. But I trudged along and decided to try one place I knew of that was kind of out of the way, but I new was open and had everything I needed. So off I went.

As I walked up to the entrance of the store, there was a very aggressive homeless man yelling obscenities at everyone that walked by that wouldn’t give him money, myself included. Eff that. I’ll decide where I feel my money is best donated.
I bypass him and go inside.
Shopping commences, I get all the items on my list as well as a few Christmas decorations for the house that were on sale (like you care).
I leave, and during the half an hour I was in there, the temperature had dropped what must have been 10 degrees. It’s late, dark, cold and I have at least another 35 minute trek home ahead of me. I kneel down on the sidewalk to consolidate my bags and get my gloves out, when I hear a very slight feminine voice behind me,

“Excuse me, I really don’t mean to bother you, do you have any change to spare?”

I turn around, half expecting something intimidating, and see a very petite native woman looking at me.

“I’m sorry, really, I am. But if you could spare a dollar, a quarter, I would be very grateful.”

She looks down at her shoes.

I say sure, yes no problem, and give her what cash I had left over - I think it was like 9 or 10 dollars total.
She thanks me up and down, and apologizes over and over again, all the while avoiding my eyes, looking at the ground.

Something told me to stick around a sec and just chat with her.

Me: “It’s pretty cold out here tonight. I hope you can get a cup of coffee with some of that change - something to warm your insides.”

Her: “Yes it’s very cold. No one has offered to give me any change today; they just call me a bum and tell me to get a job. It’s not that easy - I have no where to live. It’s cold. I don’t want to be outside all the time anymore.”

Me: “I can’t imagine how hard it must be to be down on your luck and on the streets. I know it’s probably pretty hard, but don’t pay any mind to idiots like that, they are just ignorant and have never had to face the things you must have in life to end up here.”

She makes eye contact, and I immediately notice that she is a very pretty woman. Her eyes were a beautiful chocolate brown, and as soon as she looked in my eyes, I could see that she was a sensitive, warm, caring person - underneath all her sadness and pain.

Her: “I have a problem with drugs and alcohol. I used to have it all, a home, a job, children, but somewhere along the way it just took over…
I lost it all, my kids were taken away, I got smoking crack, and then I ended up on the street.
My little sister lives here, and she says I can go there, but I don’t want her or her kids to see me this way. I am ugly, dirty, and I smell like booze. I don’t want to bring in that vibe to her home.”

First of all, I was glad to hear her say that she had a problem - that means she’s aware and probably wants to change her life at some point.
Secondly, as sad as I was to hear her say that she was ugly and dirty and, in her mind, unwelcome at her sister's, it told me she had a sense of responsibility in terms of exposing others to her lifestyle.
A lot of people in her situation are far beyond that and could care less about how they affect others.

Me: “Well, I’m glad you have some place to go besides the shelters. She says you’re welcome there? You should really consider going. It’s cold out - you'll get sick.”

Her: “She wants me to go to detox for alcohol though, and I am not ready yet.”

Me: “I understand that. It will be hard, no doubt, but maybe you could look at it as a stepping stone - a starting point. A warm, safe place to be while you work on a plan to get your life back on track?”

Her: “It will be so hard.”

Me: “I can’t imagine how hard it would be. But look at it this way - THIS, how you’re living right now is hard, and always will be if you don’t try and make things better for yourself. Detox will be hard too - but only for a short period. And eventually you could start a new life - make things better. You deserve happiness just as much as anyone else, remember that. You are human.
Either road is hard, but which choice will be harder for a shorter length of time?”

Her: “That makes sense. But I am not ready to go, I’m scared.”

Me: “I know you are - it probably seems terrifying.
I’m not telling you to go. I know just as well as you that if you are not really ready, on your own terms, you won’t get through it. No one else can tell you when you are ready. But I do know that you will make it - when you decide to make a change - I can see it in your eyes. You haven’t given up hope - there’s a chance for you, I know it.”

She begins to cry.

She tells me she cries all the time. She tells me she doesn’t want to cry anymore. She says she is in so much pain. She tells me she bleeds when she cries. I ask her if she is hurt, a cut, an injury. She says no. Her heart bleeds when she cries.
A lump wells up in my throat, I try not to cry.

Me: “I know it’s hard to believe, but you ARE worthwhile, you ARE important, and you DESERVE better than this. There are people out there who care and want to help, please keep this in mind when you’re ready.
You're human and deserve the same shot in life as me or anyone else - life’s just dealt you a shitty hand, and that sucks, and it’s unfair, but it’s what you’ve been given. You HAVE the strength in you to turn things around, it’s just been buried for a while, that’s all. But it’s still in there. Remember that. It takes a lot of strength to live like this everyday, and it will take a lot of strength to get out of it, but I can see it in you - you can do it.”

Her: “You are an angel. You probably think I’m drunk, don’t know what I’m talking about, but I am a sister, a native, and I see things in people. You are an angel. My angel.”

Me: “I am no angel, just human, just like you.”

She cries.
She says she tired of crying all the time.

She tells me she almost died during the summer - she was involved in a pedestrian accident with a C-Train downtown. A man she was with lost his legs in the accident. Her arm was badly broken. She takes my hand and places it on her upper arm.
A mass. A growth? I don’t know what it is, but it startles me. I ask her what it is. She says that’s the best they could do to fix her arm. And it’s cold outside. And her arm hurts when it’s cold outside.
The lump in my throat comes back, I try not to cry.

I tell her to really consider going to her sisters place tonight, think about step 2 in the morning.
She says she’s too ugly to go there. She doesn’t want to be seen like this.
I know I can’t make her go, but I tell her to consider it strongly, there’s a winter storm coming in.

She says she will. She says thank you for your time, god bless you. I pick up my bags to leave.

She cries.
She hugs me and she cries. She cries and cries.
I must have stood there hugging her for a good 5 minutes before she let go. She hung on for dear life, and I could tell, no matter how much money I had have offered her, this one moment - this connection, this understanding, this human interaction, this human touch, was worth more than any amount of money in the world to her.

"I’m Jackie" she says.
"I’m Debbie", I say. "It’s nice to meet you."

Jackie: “I’m sorry if you have nightmares about me tonight, I know I’m scary.”

Me: “You are not scary - you are a beautiful human being that’s just had some hard luck. I most certainly won’t have nightmares about you…”

Jackie: “Thank you so much, have a good night - please pray for me - I want to make it”

Me: “I am not religious, but I will wish good things and strength for you - you WILL make it. This is temporary - you want out - you’ll get out when you’re ready and not a minute sooner.”

I hand her my gloves, and turn to head home.

Was it cold? Hell to the yes.
Did my hands effen freeze? Yessur.
But I didn’t feel it, and I didn’t care, because I knew I had a home to go to, warm food, a warm bed, a shower. Things I take for granted everyday.

What a surreal experience. That’s the main thing I remember about it - totally surreal.

Here I am, all pissy about having to go out of my way after work to go shopping for toilet paper and milk, and I end up getting my head and heart put in check by a woman who has lost everything and is reduced to living on the streets, literally feeling like garbage.

Things aren’t so bad over here guys, really.

I don’t think I’ll forget last night. I don’t think I’ll ever forget Jackie.

I hope wherever she is, she’s warm right now.

Release That Air

2006-11-21T08:55:00.000-08:00

Update time.
I know, I know I’m totally slacking with posts lately. Thing is, I just can’t find the motivation to write anything. Or paint. Or photograph. My creativity button is set on snooze it seems.
Just waiting on the inspiration fairy to pay me a little visit.

The most exciting news I can think of writing about is the glory of this handy dandy little contraption:

A warm air mist humidifier.

I know; my life is way too exciting these days.
Seriously though, this thing rocks my proverbial socks harder than anything I can remember.

The reason I bought it was that my optometrist recommended it for my eye irritation problem. I have been making regular visits to the money sucker for the past 3 weeks due to an extraordinarily dry cornea in my left eye, taking a handful of different prescription drops, ointments, and lubricants along with flax seed oil in my breakfast everyday. Gah.
Last week, after appointment number gazillion, there was no change/improvement in the irritation, so I was prescribed effen steroids to see if that would alleviate the problem.

Guess what? Nope. No change. Now I guess it's wait and see to find out if I grow facial hair and an adam's apple due to side affects.

So I went back late last week for further treatment options, and was told there’s nothing they can do.
I was like WTF?! FIX IT!! She said there’s nothing more they can do, come back when it feels better and we’ll get you a new lens prescription (what one has to do with the other I have no idea). Needless to say I was pretty frustrated. I said are you SERIOUSLY telling me I have to keep living with this pain??? She said, unfortunately yes, there’s nothing more we can do, blah, blah, blah.
She happened to mention a humidifier as something to try, so I figured what the eff. I’ve already spent my life savings on all these useless appointments and prescriptions that didn’t do squat, what’s one more purchase?
WELL. After the first night of having this bad boy running at home, I had no redness, no irritation, nothing. Who woulda thunk it. Seriously, this thing has cured meeeee!!!! I am so relieved, you have no idea.

So heads up kiddies, if you suffer from dry eyes, before you waste your moolah on useless eye drops, try some warm humidity first. Leave the fucker running all day/night…every once in a while, stand by it and place you eyes directly over the humidity vent even. It’s heaven I tells ya! You can almost hear your eyes slurping up the moisture! Er, that’s kinda gross, but you get my point.

Buy one. Live it. Love it.

Hmmm. What else.
Next week is the last week of November, and I haven’t even started making lists for Christmas shopping yet. Mainly because I have no idea what to get anyone this year. I have decided to keep it small, as I am planning on getting some hampers together for the less fortunate in the city, but I can’t come up with any ideas for those nearest and dearest. Panic will commence in T-minus 10 days if I don’t get on this and spend some time getting organized.
I don’t want to be running around like a freak on fire a week before Christmas. I want to actually ENJOY the holidays - like take in some events, walk in the snow, check out light displays, party with friends, etc. What it’s actually supposed to all be about.
Stress should be kept to a minimum I reckon.

Anywaaaaaaaaaaaaaays. What else?

Things have been kind of off in the blogosphere as of late, as some of my fave bloggers have decided to close down shop (for reasons totally understandable). That’s been kind of suckin because they really do become a big part of your daily routine. I miss my morning chuckles and knowing what’s up in the world of my friends.
Sigh.
I’ll get used to it soon enough.

Strange how we come to expect these online diaries to be around for our enjoyment forever. It’s a weird dynamic. I think in a lot of ways it has surpassed the desire to connect by phone or email - is that good or bad?
At any rate, I hope to remain in touch with those who have decided to call it a day in this realm.

That’s it, that’s all. I’m out.

Posting Time

2006-11-14T10:05:00.000-08:00

I haven’t had much to write about recently, so haven’t bothered.
Just been busy with work as usual.

I was really looking forward to building a Habitat for Humanity home here in Calgary this past Friday, but despite good intentions, too many volunteers showed up and there was not enough work to keep all of us occupied for the duration of the day.
So myself and a friend from work decided to take the day off and go shopping - which was fun. She has two young kids, so I was able to tag along on with her to the toy stores to help her get a start on her Christmas shopping.
Now THAT was fun.
The toys they have out for kids nowadays are effen awesome! I could not believe the technology put into the dolls, stuffed animals, and video games for sale. Even the Lego sets were sweet…Star Wars themes, dinosaurs, ones that light up…oy. I wish I was a kid again in this day and age for the toy selection alone.

The weekend was pretty chill. Window shopped and brunched in Kensington, looked for Christmas decorations, etc.

That’s about it really.

Sandy’s been on the road for the better part of two weeks, so I’m kinda grouchy about that - although I really shouldn’t be considering what’s been going on in the lives of some friends of mine (hugs to all you guys).

There has been some media attention brought to the blogs of some of them due to the disappearance/possible homicide of one of their friends, which is completely classless and ignorant on the media’s part.
Apparently, some of the information and images used in the news broadcasts have been freely taken by the media without permission, and of course, in search of information on the case, ppl have been seeking out and reading the blogs.
This has resulted in some unwanted attention and spotlight on the private lives of these people.
That in itself is bad enough.
But the other thing that comes to mind about airing pictures/blog addys/names of the people who knew the missing person is the unknown circumstances surrounding the crime. If, gawd forbid, it ends up being a homicide, than there could well be a killer out there somewhere. Watching the news, reading the blogs being referenced on TV, gathering personal information.
That is scary to even think about, but it should be considered.
Also - if this is being investigated as a crime, why is the privacy of those who knew the man not a concern by police if the investigation is still open?
Makes no sense...

First off, I understand that unless material is copyright protected, it is generally accepted as free for the taking - especially on the www.
I think, however, that there should be an exercise in compassion under circumstances such as these. It is hard enough to be concerned about the loss of a friend or family member without having people take advantage for their own benefit (clips for the news).
Privacy and respect should be of utmost importance in a situation like this, and I find it disgusting that the info taken from the blogs of the missing man’s friends is being plastered all over the news without so much as a “please may we”.
I suppose that’s the nature of the beast though. Sad to see…

To those involved - my thoughts are with all of you, and I sincerely hope the details of the case are brought to light sooner rather than later. I can’t even imagine the turmoil you must be experiencing with the unknown.

Take care guys. Be well.

Lego Thriller

2006-11-06T13:09:00.000-08:00

This kicks...

A Helping Hand

2006-11-06T09:51:00.000-08:00

I went on a big shopping trip to Wal-Mart on Saturday to buy items in need for CUPS.
I normally try my best to boycott Wal-mart, because I don’t agree in the least for what they stand for - how they treat their workers and how they displace Mom and Pop organizations all over the world.
But one thing can’t be denied - their shit is cheap.
So I swallowed my disdain and decided to spend a couple hundred dollars there to get more items for my money.

I was able to get:

- 24 pairs of women’s underwear
- 12 pairs of socks
- 6 pairs of women’s gloves
- 6 pairs of children’s wool mittens
- 4 newborn sleepers
- 6 pairs of baby socks
- 4 receiving blankets
- 120 pack of Pampers
- Flintstones vitamins
- Children’s cough syrup
- 6 bars of soap
- 6 toothbrushes
- 6 tubes of toothpaste
- 6 Bottles of deodorant
- 30 disposable razors
- 6 cans of shaving cream
- 12 bottles of shampoo
- 12 bottles of lotion
- 6 pack of Kleenex
- 4 packs of sanitary wipes
- Q-Tips
- 4 chapsticks

And I think that was it.
The total came to $230.00, which was awesome considering how many items I got. I also had a lot of fun doing it!

Sandy and I dropped the goods off at CUPS in the afternoon, and the lady who helped us take the stuff in was really grateful. Mainly because the stuff was all new, and most of the donations they have been receiving lately are second hand. Which is great too - I plan on bringing down some used clothes and things as well - but new items are always appreciated and definitely in short supply.

I am planning on getting some people together to help with a few Christmas hampers for the family’s in need that are looking for help from this organization. I already have a few people on board, some are going to donate money so I can buy the items on their behalf; some are bringing in used clothing that their kids have grown out of.
Whatever anyone can spare will be a great help.

I am also going to talk to my boss this week to see if our company will help me gather funds for this. They may not because we already do corporate donations to the United Way. If they decline, I think I’ll just ask around the office on a one to one basis to see if anyone is interested in helping out.

Muck-a-Flux

2006-11-02T07:47:00.000-08:00

Yesterday afternoon and evening were great!

I bailed from work at lunch because, frankly, I didn't feel like working. Plus, I had finished my work for the day by noon, and was working out of a client's office, so I figured wtf? Why not take advantage, right? No one even knew I was gone, so I'd have to have been crazy not to take the opportunity for some me time.

So anyways, I got home, did some cleaning, had a nice nap, got up, opened a nice bottle of Schug sauvignon blanc, and started painting.

A couple of weeks ago, Sandy surprised me with a totally sweet artist easel that's fully collapsable, portable, and has room inside for paints, brushes, and a paint palette.

Check out the sweetness:

Pretty shlammin, yes? I heart it.

I figured I'd give the easel a try, with no real idea of wtf I wanted to paint. So I just started mixing colors and mucking about with it throughout the evening in between sips of wine and catching up on phone calls long over due:

And there you have it.

Not exactly a masterpiece, but I had fun doing it so that's all that matters I suppose.

I can't wait to set it all up again when I actually have a formed idea of what I want to paint.

Woot! Should be fun, especially now that winter is biting us all in the bum.

Happy Halloween!!

2006-10-31T09:03:00.000-08:00

I am trying to upload the most kick ass costume party photos you've ever seen from the party on Saturday night, but it seems blogger wants to be an effer x a zillion these last couple of days.
Boo.
I mean Boo! hehe.

I'll keep trying throughout the day to see if they've fixed the problem.

Anyways, hope you all have a great Halloween and whole heartedly enjoy all your tricks and/or treats!

*EDIT: Seems that upgrading to Blogger Beta solves the picture posting issue. See the post below for the pictures from Saturday...finally.*

Halloween Bash Pics

2006-10-30T10:09:00.000-08:00

So the Halloween party on Saturday night was a blast. Sandy and I didn't end up getting our costumes together until Saturday afternoon (which was a weeeee bit stressful), but it all turned out in the end and we had a great time.

I was an old hag with pizza box ass and a gunt (ack!) made out of rolled up tea towels:

Sandy was a Gynecologist:

Skybar was a model...lol:

Speedoguru was Spiderman:

Calvin was a cross dressing cowboy!

Doug - the host of the bash, was a wizard (right):

Jeanette & Shawn were a rodeo clown and cow:

Curtis had an uncanny resemblance to Professor McGarnagle from Harry Potter later in the evening:

What a night it was...oy! Tons of laughs, drinks, prayers, and debauchery were had by all.

Good times. Good times indeed.

Lorraine Swanson Kicks All Asses Everywhere

2006-10-27T11:11:00.000-07:00

Good GAWD this character is funny...

Time, Time, Time - See What's Become Of Me

2006-10-27T08:40:00.000-07:00

Well I suppose an update is due by now…

This week has been so ridiculously busy that I haven’t had time to do much of anything I had planned. I don’t know why, but it seems as time is passing, life is getting busier and busier.

I am usually a very organized person with the memory capacity of an elephant - I can remember anything for myself or anyone else, no matter how big or small. Lately though, I feel like the filing cabinets in my head have tipped over and spilled their contents all over the floor.
I can’t remember an effen thing these days! I rarely feel prepared for my daily schedule or social plans. I have post it notes all over my desk and on my fridge at home. My email calendar reminder buddy thingy is working overtime. My cell phone reminder function had been ringing off the hook - its nuts.
So my question is this- has life actually gotten busier, or is my memory going with age?? I hope it isn’t the latter cuz I’m not even 30 yet! Cripes.

And in other news…

I went on a tour of CUPS on Tuesday, which was a really great experience. CUPS (Calgary Urban Project Society) is an agency downtown that helps to support the medical, physical, and emotional needs of our growing homeless population in Calgary.
I was kind of expecting a dingy, run down, dirty kind of environment in there (not sure why?), but was pleased to see how well maintained their facilities actually are. It’s a 3 story building with a state of the art medical clinic and lab in the basement, common rooms, beds, kitchens, computers, and counselors on the second floor, and a women’s health facility on the top floor.

It was really quite impressive.

I was quite taken with this agency as I learned more about what they do to help those in need in the community.
The main thing I was impressed by was their “under any circumstance” policy for the people that come in. They do not judge anyone or care what they are on at the time they come in - they treat all ppl with respect and open arms. Mainly because they feel that these same people will come to them for help with changing their lives when they are ready if they feel that they are not being judged. That makes sense.

I was also glad to hear that each person that comes in seeking medical attention spends no less than one hour with the doctors on site as policy.
Even if they just need a band-aid.
The doctors will spend the rest of the hour talking with the patient, about how life is really going for them, if they need help to get off the streets, and basically treating them like regular human beings - which I’m sure they don’t get much of otherwise. This process can also help refer the homeless to intake workers for low income housing assistance (CUPS will pay security deposits and help search for rentals in many cases), child care assistance, psychiatric help, etc.
It’s just a really great organization because they deal DIRECTLY with the people that require help. They also have an outreach street team that delivers food, blankets, and checks on the welfare of the thousands of people unable to get into shelters every night.

Overhead is minimal (10%), and the doctors and volunteers donate their time every week to help out. I’ll get behind something like that any day.
As a matter of fact, after discussing my desire to support this organization with Sandy, she decided she would like to help as well. So we have decided to take a hamper of clothing, baby supplies, hygiene products, socks, underwear, etc. directly to them every Friday afternoon.
Starting today.
We are going to do a case of formula, diapers, infant outfits, and perhaps blankets for the smallest victims today. Next time probably mens/womens hygiene supplies, after that, maybe winter clothing, etc.

The opportunity to donate my time to low income housing development also came up this week, and I have signed on to build a Habitat for Humanity house on November 10th. I am excited about it, and I think that even though it will be a long, hard day, it will also be lots of fun.
Let’s just hope I don’t shoot myself with a nail gun or saw my hand off. Gawd knows I’m not that mechanically inclined.
I am hoping I get hammer and nail duty for the most part, but I’ll help out wherever they want to place me.
Should be a good experience.

Lastly, tomorrow there is a Halloween party being held, and with the pace of these last couple of weeks, I have not had time to get a costume together. So my panic button is on high now - I am worried we won’t find anything in time.
My own fault really, but crap, time is flying faster than I can handle lately, and things get put on the back burner. And I don't like it!

Depending on how our shopping trip and delivery of goods for the homeless goes this afternoon, I am hoping there will be enough time to go shopping for a costume tonight. But then again, we’ve already committed to a pumpkin carving.

See?
I tells ya - it’s gettin, it’s gettin, it’s gettin kinda hectic (I’ve got the Pow-AH!)

David Reimer

2006-10-19T09:53:00.000-07:00

I watched a program on TLC last night that absolutely broke my heart. It was called Born a Boy, Brought Up a Girl, and it was nothing short of tragic.

In 1966, a woman gave birth to twin boys in Winnipeg. During circumcision of the boys at about 8 months old, a terrible medical mistake was made, and David’s entire penis was badly burned during the cauterizing. Shortly thereafter, it fell off (cringe!).
The boy’s testicles remained intact, but the penis was gone.

(The twins as babies)

Faced with such a situation, David’s parents looked for medical advice about what to do next. They were directed to John Money, a Baltimore doctor “specializing” in helping people of ambiguous gender. At the time, Dr. Money was revered in the medical and scientific fields for his work on nature vs. nurture dynamics in the human child.
His theory was that no matter what gender you were born, if you are raised as a boy or girl from a young age, you will identify as that gender.

Dr. Money persuaded David’s parents to transform their son into a daughter, based on the extent of damage to his genitals. He recommended surgery and hormone treatment to turn young Brian (his given birth name) into a girl. His parents agreed, and treatment commenced soon thereafter.
Brian was forced to become “Brenda”.
His parents were advised never to tell the children the truth about Brian’s gender or accident.

This doctor did not really have the family’s well-being at heart, but instead was driven by the challenge of proving his theory - that gender identity does not take place in the womb.

Over the course of the twins’ childhood, they were subjected to many experiments and humiliating question sessions by Dr. Money. The parents were never involved in these sessions, and later in life, both boys claimed that the doctor made them take their clothes off to be photographed in sexual positions during their visits.

Fast forward to 13 years old, and “Brenda” is having social problems at school. She has no friends, and she looks alarmingly masculine despite her clothes and hair.
The kids at school refuse to let her use either the male or female washrooms, and she is often forced to relieve herself in the alley behind the school. She has no interest in boys; she is depressed and feels alienated.

("Brenda" at 12)

It was around this time that Brenda began refusing to attend her sessions with Dr. Money, going so far as threatening suicide if made to attend.
Her parents were scared that she may well take her own life, and made the decision to tell her and her brother the truth.

Brenda was taken for ice cream and told by her father. Her brother was sat down and told the news by their mother at the same time.
Brenda was obviously shocked by the news, but happy to finally have an answer about her differences with other girls her age. Her father asked her what gender she wanted to live her life as, and she immediately said that she wanted to be a boy.
Her twin brother reacted in anger, and began a slow decline into schizophrenia in the years to follow.

Brenda had reconstructive surgery on her genitalia, and became David Reimer. By all accounts his life went well, he was handsome, happy, and popular in his new surroundings (he changed schools). He even went on to get married after high school.
The only thing missing in his life was his twins brother’s presence. They became estranged in the years after the truth came out.

(David at 36)

David was angry about what Dr. Money had done to him and his family. He was also very angry that the experiment they were guinea pigs for was published as a success! He felt he should go public with his story, to expose the fraudulent claims in the infamous John/Joan case still going undisputed in medical journals.

After some convincing, David enlisted the help of his twin brother to participate in a documentary about their experience. Shortly after the documentary was complete, David’s twin brother was found dead in his home - the result of a drug overdose/suicide.

David was never the same.

In the two years following his brother’s death, David became depressed.
This was amplified by a bad financial investment, loss of his job, and separation from his wife. David moved back in with his parents to try and get back on his feet, but unfortunately, his inner turmoil was a hell he could not conquer.

In 2004, David went for a walk in his parents wheat field, inserted a shotgun into his mouth, and pulled the trigger. He was 38 years old.

I cannot even tell you how sad I was to see the end of this show - well ALL of it was horrible, but wow.
Seeing his parents looking down on both their sons’ graves was heartbreaking.

Not surprisingly, Dr. Money refused to partake in the TLC documentary about this case.

Meh...

2006-10-17T10:42:00.000-07:00

I am skimping on updates lately, because honestly, I don’t have a lot to say.

It’s not that there’s nothing exciting going on in my life - there always is - but posting about my daily activities seems boring to me. Maybe it’s not boring to you…I dunno.

Anways. Let’s see…

It’s effen cold outside - snowing and blowing. I think winter has unofficially arrived. Although cold is not my first pick for favorite seasons, I do enjoy it. Cozy sweaters, warm fires, making toasty home cooked meals, walking in the snow…

The one thing I don’t like to see this time of year is the ever increasing homeless population on the streets - huddled in corners, trying to keep warm with old blankets and cardboard.
It is absolutely inhumane - regardless of the reasons these people ended up on the streets in the first place.
Warmth, food, and shelter are human essentials no matter who you are. It irritates me to no end to see the number of people on our city streets at any time of year - we are the most prosperous city in the country! There’s simply no need for it.

Our homeless shelters are filled to capacity on a nightly basis, and there is no priority for low income housing to be designated/built to help alleviate some of the problem.
It’s bloody ridiculous.
But I do understand the politics behind it all - I, along with all people working in and supporting the current economic boom in Calgary - am part of the problem. We need to push the city and provincial government to address this issue. Relentlessly.
But that won’t happen, because we are all comfy in our cushy jobs, extravagant homes, and middle to upper class lifestyles. It’s never a problem until it happens to you.
Apathy.

Anyways…

On a totally unrelated note, there’s something wrong with my left eye, and it’s driving me up the effen wall. It’s been constantly irritated for over 4 weeks now, and nothing seems to help.
I’ve tried eye washes, antibiotic drops, flushing systems, heat, cold, everything. It just isn’t clearing up.
So off to the eye doctor I go this afternoon to get an exam. I hope they can figure out what it is and prescribe some relief, along with a new lens prescription I would imagine. CHA-CHING.
Can’t wait to see the damage on that bill. I’m expecting between $500-$600 easily if I need new glasses. Ouch.
But whatever, I can’t take this irritation for one more day. It’s swollen, red, and I have a very painful stabbing sensation occurring like every 5 minutes.
If the doctor can’t figure out what’s wrong, I swear I am going to gouge it out myself - with a rusty spoon!

What else…hmm. I don’t know.
I need to come up with a Halloween costume idea on the ASAP and get on buying the materials to get it together. Problem is, I can’t think of anything awesome to go as this year, so I’m drawing a blank and starting to panic.

I am open to suggestions.

Meh. I’m starvin like Marvin. Going to get some lunch.

My next post won’t be nearly as ass as this one has been - promise.

Until next time dear readers…

Fondues, Turkies, and Runway Modeling?

2006-10-10T09:26:00.000-07:00

This past Thanksgiving weekend was all kinds of awesome!

Saturday evening, we had a blast at a fondue at Skybar's place. Look at all the food!

Mmmm...fresh Nova Scotia lobster tails:

Melting Bernard Callebaut chocolate to dip fruit in! Droooool...

Matt joined in the festivities as well. It was nice meeting and chatting with him throughout the night...

Sigh.

Looking at all that delicious food is making me want to go back and revisit the evening all over again. It was all so good!

Chicken, beef, prawns, lobster, veggies, fruits, chocolates, cheese, dips, breads. Yum.

These pics are relatively tame compared to the mayhem that ensued as the night wore on. There was piano playing, Heart karaoke, a wig, table dancing, Gowan, crazy ass car racing, and unforch - one casulaty:

The vase.

I accidently knocked it over with my foot as we were chatting it up in the kitchen, and it broke in 3 or 4 pieces (Sorry again Jeff!).

Luckily, there were plenty of adhesives around casa de Skybar for just such an event, and we were able to paste it back together again.

I dunno...I think the cracks make it look more rustic/authentic. Yes? No?

On Sunday, Sandy and I were invited to a fantabulous Thanksgiving dinner at our friend Sherry's place. We usually do a turkey with all the trimmings for Sandy's daughter and b/f every year, which we have always enjoyed - but it really is a lot of work. So having someone else cook for us was a real treat!

Check out the 25 pound monstrosity:

mmm...stuffing.

I hate to say it, but my infamous stuffing was put to shame in comparison. It was SO GOOD. She used button mushrooms! Like who does that? I'll tell ya who...ME from here on out. Effen delish!

Sherry and her pussy ;)

Somehow, after dinner and many glasses of wine, Sherry decided it was a good idea to try on wedding gowns and evening dresses with her daughter for us:

lolol...what a weird experience THAT was. Gotta say it was definately one of the strangest Thanksgiving dinners I've been to...but lots of fun none the less. Great food, great wine, interesting and diverse company (16 people was the official turnout I believe), and great fashion.

Who could want for more, really. Good times were had by all.

I hope you all had a great holiday weekend as well.

And now, back to the grind...

A New Color To Paint The World

2006-10-05T09:44:00.000-07:00

Thought I'd share some of the pics I've taken in the last week.

The colors in nature this time of the year are simply amazing...

Random Is As Random Does

2006-10-02T14:32:00.000-07:00

My mind is all over the place today…random thoughts bouncing off the walls of my cranium.

Such as:
Why do people feel obligated to apologize for absolutely everything?
Two strangers came up to me and asked a question this morning, and they both apologized for it.
Like why?
One lady said “Do you know what time it is – SORRY”, and the other said “SORRY - do you know where the C-Train station is from here?”
What do you suppose they were sorry for? Do you think we become conditioned to apologize for everything under the sun during childhood or as a result of cultural or media influence?

It just seems so odd.

How ironic is it to receive numerous apologies from complete strangers throughout the course of the day for seemingly trivial matters, yet have the hardest time receiving an honest to goodness apology from those close to us for things much more important?
How can we let sorry’s roll off our tongues so freely for things that require no apology in the first place, yet have a difficult (if not impossible) time saying sorry for things we really should be sorry for?
Some wires are crossed there, that’s for sure.

And I was also thinking – how many people go about their daily professional lives without knowing what the eff they are doing?
The thing that got me thinking about that was a post card posted on this week’s Post Secret site.

One person’s post card said “I overdress for meetings so that no one notices I have no idea what is going on. No fucking idea.”

I have been in a position of confusion in meetings at work many times in the course of my working career – especially in the past few years. I am often exposed to things that are brand new and fast tracked, so I’ve often lost sleep worrying that I would fail at work because I didn’t understand what I was doing.
Perhaps it is a universal feeling after all.
I wouldn’t doubt it in the high paced corporate machine a lot of us are part of.

Gone are the days of adequate training and team work nurturing the growth of the individual. Nope. No time for that these days.
Sink or swim – that’s how you learn it seems.

I wonder how many people feel this way? I wonder how many of them are in high level positions that they are probably unqualified for?
Scary to think about.

That reminds me – I have an informal “interview” tomorrow with an engineer I used to work for. He called me up last week (along with 2 other companies head hunting for workers) and pleaded with me to come back and work with him.
I am very hesitant to leave my present employer, because they are like family. I love working there because it just feels like home to me. And we are treated very well – like human beings rather than mere cogs in the machine.
The company I am receiving this proposal from is pretty large in comparison (hint hint Jeff…I could be working in your building again), and I don’t imagine I will receive the same treatment or flexibility as I have here.
But I bet the price is right. We’ll see tomorrow I guess.

Sometimes money isn’t the end all be all though – that’s why I’m a bit hesitant to entertain the thought of switching companies. I make a pretty comfortable living where I am now, so I really have no reason to leave.
I suppose we all have our price though. If the increase is significant, I will definitely think about it.

Anyways…that’s about it for now.
Well, actually, there’s more, but I'll save it for another post. My thoughts just aren’t flowing out of my fingertips the way they normally do today.
Must be a case of the Monday’s…wah, wah, wah.

Cloud Busting

2006-09-26T08:01:00.000-07:00

Sky's the limit...

Candlesticks and Corkscrews

2006-09-21T10:02:00.000-07:00

It’s certainly beginning to feel like fall outside these days.
The sky is grey and there’s a very chilly wind blowing in from the north west...I’m sure it won’t be long before we see snow on the ground now.
I quite like this time of year, probably more so than summer. September just always feels like the beginning of new things in life – even though flowers die, gardens wilt, and leaves blow off their summer branches.
Maybe I equate this time of year to new things because of school semesters in my younger days?

Anyways, I’ve had to pull out the sweaters, warm jackets, and flannel PJ’s from the closet this week. It feels good to put them on – like an old friend. Toasty and warm…

Sandy is coming home tonight.
She’s been in Ottawa on business for a week now, and I was starting to miss her, so I’m excited to see her when she gets back into town.
Hopefully a nice dinner and some wine will follow this evening, if she’s not too tired that is. If so, there’s always the weekend to spend time together.
If it’s cold out, I am hoping to stay in and watch movies together, and perhaps make some homemade soups or stews. Or cabbage rolls! Yeah! That’s a better idea!
I effen LOVE cabbage rolls – especially on blustery days. I make a mean cabbage roll too. Weee.

In other news, this is supposed to be my last week consulting at another company. Fat chance though – they are so unorganized here, and I’ve wasted oceans of time waiting on people and fishing for information. That was not part of the initial agreement, so I’ve been a bit miffed about that.

The idea was for them to have the information I needed compiled BEFORE I got here, so that I could work my magic and produce a detailed schedule for the project in 2-3 weeks. Well, this is week 3, and I’m still having to sit through meetings with geologists and engineers while they hash out what needs to happen when and if it needs to happen at all.

Aaaargh. Frustrating.

So my guess is I’ll be back next week and perhaps the week after to finish this up.
Then they should really hire someone to oversee the schedule I developed and progress it in real time. I am washing my hands of it when the initial development is done – which was supposed to be tomorrow ffs.
Quite frankly I’m getting tired of lugging around this honkus laptop, cables, power cords, etc. to and fro every day. It’s bloody heavy and my back is killing me!
(wah, wah…I know – suck it up. It could always be worse, I get it).

We’ll see what happens with this.

And there you have it. Nothing too exciting to write about.

Have a smashing day all.

Sunday Afternoon Finger Painting

2006-09-17T18:52:00.000-07:00

Today was nice and relaxing.

After I finished my obligatory weekend chores, I got down to biznazz and did a painting.

A few weekends ago, I went for a drive out by Sundre and began picking up leaves that had freshly fallen for an idea that I've had.
I Didn't want to wait too late in the season to collect them, because they get too dry and brittle. These ones were fresh and still very moist.

So I was thinking of a painting somehow incorporating all the different leaves I collected.
I decided to paint them and apply them to an irradescent copper backround, pressing them onto the canvas.

Here's how it went:

And voila....here's the finished product:

Hmmm. Not QUITE how I wanted it to turn out...alot of the leaves cracked and broke while I pressed them, so there were some good ones that I couldn't use.
I think I like it. I'll give it a couple days before I decide.

And now, I must go soak my hands in paint thinner.
I've got so much indian ink and acrylic on my fingers right now...gotta try and get it off before tomorrow morning's meetings @ work.
It wouldn't look too good if I showed with my hands looking the way they do right now...

Hope everyone had a fab weekend.

Totally Hilarious

2006-09-17T09:14:00.000-07:00

OMG this is one of the funniest vids I've come across in a long time...

I feel kinda bad for the kid - he's obvs terrified, but the lady's reaction - the evil laugh - just. so. funny.

September Rain

2006-09-13T10:01:00.000-07:00

I finally have a few minutes for a quick update.

I’ve been so effen busy with juggling work projects between offices that I haven’t had time to climb out from under mounds of paper, laptop computer cables, cell phones, and information manuals until just now.

So…what’s new?
Hmm, well in significant news, I have been talking and spending time with my ex over the last few weeks, and we have jointly decided to give our relationship another go.
But to be clear, it’s more like starting over…all the way back to dating and learning each other all over again. No pressure, no expectations, and lots of open communication.
We’re planning on giving it a few months, and then re-evaluating our desire to go further.

This should be interesting.

For those that are in the know, I am referring to Sandy. For those of you not in the loop, Sandy and I were in a relationship for 6 ½ years, and we broke up in August of 2005.
Due to many reasons really…after being with someone for that long, there is never really one specific reason for dissolution, but rather a big complicated mess of reasons.
They all add up and eventually lead to complete breakdown if they aren’t dealt along the way.

We’ve had a significant amount of time apart from each other, and have both grown a lot as individuals. I can’t speak for her, but I know I have grown in leaps and bounds this past year…I am nowhere close to who I was during our relationship or at the end of it.

My values have changed.
May attitude has changed.
My perspectives on life have changed.

In short, I have grown up.

And who knows…perhaps our time apart to get reacquainted with ourselves as individuals was necessary for future growth/compatibility in our relationship.
I suppose time will tell.

All in all, I am pretty happy that our paths have crossed again, and that we can appreciate and respect each other with new eyes.

We’ll take it slow for now. Light, casual, and with boundaries relating to our individual wants and needs.
If it works out, great. If not, well then I guess we’ll finally both know for sure, and will be able to part with no regrets.

In other news, not a whole lot is going on in my universe besides work, as I mentioned.

September 11th was this past Monday, and I found that the media coverage was bordering on unbearable.

Like how many times should they show the towers fall and the carnage that followed? It’s numbing to watch that over and over on almost every channel.
I would have liked to see a different approach to the programming that day…but I understand that North American media is ruled by the government, and they probably thought that airing the images of disaster on repeat would rally the patriotic to join the army.

The enlistment numbers are falling by the day, and they know that we are finally beginning to question the validity of the “war on terror”.

Nothing like a little visual reminder to reduce apathy and get people back in the fighting spirit.

Gimme a freakin break.

Anybody who DOESN’T question the attacks on 9/11 with all of the information that has come to light over the past few years is living under a rock.

It all comes down to the New World Order, financial control, and the agenda for one superpower controlling the entire free world - remember Rome?

The war in Iraq has been called the hundred year war, even by those in power!
Obvs, there are no plans to “re-build” Iraq and then promptly get outta dodge.
This war will encompass decades and decimate generations.

Why yes Uncle Sam, where can I sign up?

Geesh.

Anyways, I could go on for hours about this, so I’ll end it there for now.
May the people killed on that day rest in peace.

Uuuummm…what else?

Oh! Lots of new CD releases this month so far – I highly recommend:

John Mayer – Continuum
Pete Yorn – Night Crawler
The Dears – Gang Of Losers
The Twilight Singers – Powder burns
And yes, I can’t believe I’m saying it, but Justin Timberlake – Future/Sex/Love/Sounds. Very tight beats, almost every song is great…reminds me a lot of Prince.

I’ve picked up all of these albums so far this month and am in love with every single one of them.
Next time you’re surfing for music or at the record store, give ‘em a spin and see what you think.

I’m sure there’s more to write about, but I can’t think of anything at the moment.
Guess I’ll get back to work.

Lates.

Working 9 to 5...er, I Mean 7 - 6 - What A Way To Make A Liiivin...

2006-09-06T17:57:00.000-07:00

I don't have much to update latley...

I was re-assigned at work for the short term (which always seems to turn into long term), and have been working out of 3 different offices in 3 different buildings every day.
Needless to say, it's been crazy and I am exhausted with information overload and trying to decipher what really IS priority. Everybody seems to think that they are highest priority naturally, so I have been subject to a lot of inter office lip service and BS.
Luckily I have grown a thin layer of teflon on top of my finely tuned BS detector, so I am not being overwhelmed by it all.

You do the best you can and no one can bitch. That's my theory. So far, so good.

The good news is I seem to be making a good name for myself in the industry, and this could lead to a new position in a more prestigious company in the near future.
The bad news is the bigger the company, the worse the toll of the project scope on my morals (oil formations on native or protected land).
But such is the price of being a capitalist whore.

Hey man, a girl's gotta eat. It's hard out here for a pimp - haven't ya heard?

Anyways, in other news, not much is going on. Work is pretty tiring, so my down time at home has been consisting of laying on the couch and drooling.

Hope all is well with you fine folks in the blogging world.

Lates.

Pieces Of Me

2006-08-31T12:50:00.000-07:00

Today is the last day of August 2006.

It’s cold and rainy outside, and you can feel autumn knocking at the door. The sky seems…different. The air is suddenly a little more brisk, and a little less friendly.

Makes me think of a great John Mayer lyric from Something’s Missing:

When autumn comes,
It doesn’t ask.
It juts walks in, where it left you last.
You never know
When it starts
Until there’s fog inside the glass around your summer heart.

I usually do a lot of self reflection in the fall, mainly precipitated by events that I experienced in the summer. This year, it feels a little different.
I feel a little different.

I am not reflecting on the summer much this time, mainly because it was quite a bad one for me personally, and I am not left with warm, fuzzy Coppertone lotion scented memories of lazy days and fun filled nights.
This time around, it seems the summer was a means to an end for me. To what extent I am still not sure.

I think it became a turning point of the entire year for me. It seems I have done a lot of changing and growing so far this year, and in turn my values and perspectives are very different from what they were a year ago.

The puzzle pieces that have historically fit for me in the past now seem bent, weathered, and torn. Like they were forced into the slots where they were originally placed.
What does that mean?
Well, I think my puzzle has evolved into something much different. It almost seems that it is a brand new puzzle altogether! And the pieces are not yet in place, but are strewn about the table, waiting to be placed in their respective slots and grooves.

Although I am somewhat unsure and a little frightened of the challenges that are no doubt ahead of me, I am also excited to figure out day by day, which piece fits where.

This is uncharted territory for me, as I have historically hung onto things and habits that were familiar – whether good or bad.
But that obviously doesn’t work for me anymore. I wonder now if it ever really did?

Did I force those pieces into my puzzle? Is that why it’s become so warped and torn?

I wonder...

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

2006-08-29T09:34:00.000-07:00

It has recently been brought to my attention, albeit from a questionable source, that I suffer from 3 specific conditions:

1. I need to be right about everything.
Now, I am all about looking at other people’s perspectives on this one. Be brutally honest with me why doncha.
If you know me in any personal capacity, I would appreciate feedback on this because if it is in fact a trait I possess, I would like to fix it on the ASAP.
Cuz there’s nothing more irritating than a know it all.

My view: I do not consciously put much effort into ramming my points down people’s throats. In fact I feel that I am rather cautious about discussing my personal opinions with other people, unless I feel that they are open to hearing my views or out right ask for my advice.
I am very much a thinker, and can often be found pondering all aspects of a situation instead of just my own so I can see all angles and come to a logical conclusion.
I do not think there is a finite right or wrong in most things in life…therefore I was kind of stunned to hear that I come across as one of “those people” that always has to be right, no matter what the cost.

But I could be wrong…gawd knows it’s happened before. I am open to anyone’s interpretation.

2. I am driven by my ego. (Latin derivative meaning “I”)
Wow.
Still shell shocked by this one.
Once again, I am all about looking at other people’s opinions on the matter.
I have never heard this term used in describing any of my character traits, but that’s not to say it hasn’t been discussed without my knowledge. Sometimes we really are the last to know things about ourselves.
I am willing to hear the straight goods on this one – I’ll admit it would be disheartening to hear/read. Because I have always believed people are people…no greater no less.
But if I am an egoist, I would like some hard truth from the outside world on this one, because quite frankly, I wouldn’t like myself very much if it turned out that I really was all about me.
I’d get to work on fixing it immediately.

My View: I cannot remember a time in my life when I felt better than anyone else.
I cannot remember a time when I condoned that behavior in other people either.
I have a deep rooted belief that we are all the same creature…material, wealth, power, IQ…is all external. None of it matters much in the end in my opinion – mind you none of it really matters in the present if you look at the big picture, but that’s just my view.
I try my best not to judge others too harshly for their life circumstances, because I have not walked a mile in their shoes, and therefore am no authority on the matters that I have never experienced myself.
Well these are MY thoughts…again; I could be way off base.

3. I am unrealistic.
Now this one in particular made me do a double take. Reason being, I have often been called too realistic for my own good.
Indeed, sometimes that has taken the wind out of some people’s sails throughout my life. Especially when they are excited about a plan that they have pinned their hopes on, but have not actually sat down to figure out the logistics of it.
I have usually been that person…the list maker, the pros and cons chart developer, the estimated time per task figure-outer, the financial planner, etc.
Yeah…that person.
I’m sure I have annoyed more than my fair share of people with this approach, I can admit that.

My View: I think I am very realistic.
Sometimes too much so for my own good.
Anyone that knows me will tell you that I am notorious for being unable to act spontaneously. I have a terrible habit of considering any plan/decision to the very last detail in order to decide if it is a wise choice.
I need to plan ahead to make sure the end result is worth it. I need to consider every avenue.
Is that the definition of realistic? Unrealistic? I am not sure.

I know it shouldn’t matter what other people think of me, and for the most part it generally doesn’t. I try to live the best way I know how in order to sustain happiness and peace.

I guess I am just concerned that I may be putting out these vibes without realizing it. And if so, I would like to correct it.
Because there’s nothing worse than striving to live your life by a certain set of values, and then being told you are having the opposite effect on others and the world in general.

Thanks for listening.

Hands Down

2006-08-28T08:11:00.000-07:00

My latest - "Apparitions"

Attention: Everyone Remain CALM

2006-08-25T11:59:00.000-07:00

I have been experiencing a foreign sense of calm these last few days.

It’s NICE for a change.

I think I have come to a big conclusion in my life, and really feel comfortable with who I am becoming. The funny thing is I have consciously tried to reach this point for years, and in the end, it just gradually happened.
Maybe this lends a bit of credibility to the reason/timing for everything belief.
Could very well be…

I guess the most important thing I have learned up to this point is that we have to live our lives striving for what makes US happy. Not other people. Because it seems to me that if you spend all of your energy trying to please others, you eventually find yourself feeling lost and unhappy.
Where is the reward or satisfaction in that? Why sabotage yourself? There are plenty of elements in people and the world that want to do that to you as it is…

I think it’s really important to take care of yourself and follow your instincts (morals/values). It’s certainly not an EASY thing to do, but I think it is absolutely crucial for self contentment. And if you’re not happy with yourself, how can you be happy or healthy in your social or intimate relationships?
You really can’t be, and I think that’s all it comes down to.

Life certainly is strange.

We all grow and change, and that’s what it’s supposed to be all about.
I suppose the lesson is to do it with a good sense of who you are and what you want, and perhaps life’s shit storms will be a little less frequent and easier to bear.